Zachary Voase
Posted by ulla on Sunday, February 22, 2009
Under: Gay
Name or Nick Name : Zachary Voase
Country or City you are from: : Marbella, Spain
Your Age : 16
Your Gender : Male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Effeminate, Academic, Passionate.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 10
How old were you when you first told someone? : 14
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Not at all!
What made you choose that person to tell? : There were a couple of things. That day, I had heard some friends of mine talking about guys they knew who were gay (neither of them are fully out of the closet, to this day). That gave me the courage to tell someone - I knew that my friends wouldn’t be weird about me being gay. Also, I had been doing Physical Education (sports) at school, and so I was really high on endorphins from the exercise. On the bus home from school, I decided that I would tell my mother when I got home.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : “Mum, I think I’m gay. Well, actually, no. I am gay”
How did you feel? : Dizzy, in the rollercoaster way (it was incredible). I then started crying with joy.
What was the person’s reaction? : She wasn’t shocked.
But then, she started singing “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross. That would have been nice if my mother could actually *sing*…just kidding!
What did they say? : “Well, that’s OK, just don’t do drugs.”
At this point, I’m thinking “That went well”, but I’m also a little confused. After a long pause, she says:
“What, did you think it was going to be some kind of revelation?”
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Overall, great. We had a couple of months of awkwardness, where my mum said she was OK with me being gay but not effeminate.
What’s it like now? : My mother accepts my effeminacy as a part of my personality, but she still has yet to deal with the occasional bit of make-up!
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? :
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? :
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Well, I’ve experienced it in a non-direct (i.e. bitchy) way before, but I always shrugged it off. Once I had an episode that got close to violence, but luckily my posse of supporters and friends muscled in, and the offending guy backed off in fear. That was great.
I also once experienced it verbally from some guys on a night out. They were trying to take these girls back to their hotel room (they were tourists), so in revenge I “cockblocked” them, and they went back alone. Priceless.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Letting those around you know about your sexuality, with as much pride as necessary; not too little or too much.
Also removing, from both yourself and those around you, some of the nasty preconceptions and anti-LGBT “knee-jerk” reactions; for example, feeling embarrassed about holding hands with someone of the same gender in public, public displays of affection, etc.
There also seems to be a second closet about being either effeminate and/or the submissive partner, which can often be difficult to come out of. I find that a lot of the friends and family who claim to be OK with you being gay *aren’t* OK with you being effeminate. The only solution with them is just to let them deal with it.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : The mental state between realising or experiencing your sexuality, and actually admitting that it is part of you.
In this state you feel different, ashamed, embarrassed, or otherwise self-critical for the feelings you have towards the same sex. This is almost always culturally-induced, as there is a huge, subconscious anti-LGBT attitude in most places in the world right now.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : If you’re scared of rejection or reproach, from either yourself or those around you, then don’t be. Don’t waste time; you’re not going to turn straight any time soon, and at the end of the day you’re going to have to bite the bullet and let it be known to others. Otherwise you’ll just end up really frustrated.
Get drunk or high, that probably helps. Do whatever you need to do to get the courage. Sometimes it’s better if you don’t plan it, but that depends on you. Plus, you can use writing (e.g. letters, E-mails, IM) to do it in a way that’s slightly less scary. It really is like skydiving or bungee-jumping, you just have to make that leap.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : No, not at all.
Anything you want to add? : Different is fun. Just embrace it.
Country or City you are from: : Marbella, Spain
Your Age : 16
Your Gender : Male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Effeminate, Academic, Passionate.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 10
How old were you when you first told someone? : 14
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Not at all!
What made you choose that person to tell? : There were a couple of things. That day, I had heard some friends of mine talking about guys they knew who were gay (neither of them are fully out of the closet, to this day). That gave me the courage to tell someone - I knew that my friends wouldn’t be weird about me being gay. Also, I had been doing Physical Education (sports) at school, and so I was really high on endorphins from the exercise. On the bus home from school, I decided that I would tell my mother when I got home.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : “Mum, I think I’m gay. Well, actually, no. I am gay”
How did you feel? : Dizzy, in the rollercoaster way (it was incredible). I then started crying with joy.
What was the person’s reaction? : She wasn’t shocked.
But then, she started singing “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross. That would have been nice if my mother could actually *sing*…just kidding!
What did they say? : “Well, that’s OK, just don’t do drugs.”
At this point, I’m thinking “That went well”, but I’m also a little confused. After a long pause, she says:
“What, did you think it was going to be some kind of revelation?”
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Overall, great. We had a couple of months of awkwardness, where my mum said she was OK with me being gay but not effeminate.
What’s it like now? : My mother accepts my effeminacy as a part of my personality, but she still has yet to deal with the occasional bit of make-up!
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? :
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? :
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Well, I’ve experienced it in a non-direct (i.e. bitchy) way before, but I always shrugged it off. Once I had an episode that got close to violence, but luckily my posse of supporters and friends muscled in, and the offending guy backed off in fear. That was great.
I also once experienced it verbally from some guys on a night out. They were trying to take these girls back to their hotel room (they were tourists), so in revenge I “cockblocked” them, and they went back alone. Priceless.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Letting those around you know about your sexuality, with as much pride as necessary; not too little or too much.
Also removing, from both yourself and those around you, some of the nasty preconceptions and anti-LGBT “knee-jerk” reactions; for example, feeling embarrassed about holding hands with someone of the same gender in public, public displays of affection, etc.
There also seems to be a second closet about being either effeminate and/or the submissive partner, which can often be difficult to come out of. I find that a lot of the friends and family who claim to be OK with you being gay *aren’t* OK with you being effeminate. The only solution with them is just to let them deal with it.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : The mental state between realising or experiencing your sexuality, and actually admitting that it is part of you.
In this state you feel different, ashamed, embarrassed, or otherwise self-critical for the feelings you have towards the same sex. This is almost always culturally-induced, as there is a huge, subconscious anti-LGBT attitude in most places in the world right now.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : If you’re scared of rejection or reproach, from either yourself or those around you, then don’t be. Don’t waste time; you’re not going to turn straight any time soon, and at the end of the day you’re going to have to bite the bullet and let it be known to others. Otherwise you’ll just end up really frustrated.
Get drunk or high, that probably helps. Do whatever you need to do to get the courage. Sometimes it’s better if you don’t plan it, but that depends on you. Plus, you can use writing (e.g. letters, E-mails, IM) to do it in a way that’s slightly less scary. It really is like skydiving or bungee-jumping, you just have to make that leap.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : No, not at all.
Anything you want to add? : Different is fun. Just embrace it.
In : Gay
