Virginia
Posted by ulla on Sunday, February 22, 2009
Under: Bisexual
Name or Nick Name : Virginia
Country or City you are from: : Birmingham, UK
Your Age : 24
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Quiet, stubborn, dense, private, creative, hesitant, liberal, bibliophile
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 21
How old were you when you first told someone? : 21
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Embarassingly it took a queer friend of mine to tell me I was bi before I was able to make that mental leap myself. You’d think a lifetime of girl crushes would have given me a clue but I was in total denial.
What made you choose that person to tell? : Technically the first person I came out to was my boyfriend. I had to tell him because it’s not only an important part of who I am but also it doesn’t get cancelled out by being in a “straight” relationship.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : No idea! Although it was over MSN so maybe the coversation is in some ancient archive.
How did you feel? : Anxious of what he would think of me. I think there were other people on his end who may have also seen but I didn’t care - I just needed his support or at least to know where I stood with him.
What was the person’s reaction? : He was cool with it. He’s an awesome guy, quite probably my partner for life (I don’t believe in marriage) so he would have to be cool and respectful about it or we’d have serious issues.
What did they say? :
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : We were long distance at different universities at the time, and I remember being really shy around him the first time we met up after. He just gave me a massive hug and took me out for pizza.
What’s it like now? :
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I was outed accidently in front of a few people but they were friends and it was around the time when I was coming out anyway. My queer friend was just so excited for me he blurted it out!
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? : This was with my super liberal uni group of friends so it was ok.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. :
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : I’m only half way out. I’m out to close friends, my partner, and in my family only my brother knows. I’m comfortable at this level because it means I can talk openly and intimately with people who matter to me. I don’t feel the need, for example, to come out at work because I wouldn’t tell my colleagues other information about myself either.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I’ve always liked small spaces! Joking aside, I feel like I sort of nip in and out of the closet depending on my confidence - importantly I know I have the key so I can open that door any time.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? :
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : If I could live my life again I would go to myself at 14 and say “It’s ok to like girls as well as boys. Next year you’re going to meet an incredibly hot girl - don’t be afraid and DO NOT push her out of bed”
Then I could undo the biggest regret of my life.
Country or City you are from: : Birmingham, UK
Your Age : 24
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Quiet, stubborn, dense, private, creative, hesitant, liberal, bibliophile
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 21
How old were you when you first told someone? : 21
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Embarassingly it took a queer friend of mine to tell me I was bi before I was able to make that mental leap myself. You’d think a lifetime of girl crushes would have given me a clue but I was in total denial.
What made you choose that person to tell? : Technically the first person I came out to was my boyfriend. I had to tell him because it’s not only an important part of who I am but also it doesn’t get cancelled out by being in a “straight” relationship.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : No idea! Although it was over MSN so maybe the coversation is in some ancient archive.
How did you feel? : Anxious of what he would think of me. I think there were other people on his end who may have also seen but I didn’t care - I just needed his support or at least to know where I stood with him.
What was the person’s reaction? : He was cool with it. He’s an awesome guy, quite probably my partner for life (I don’t believe in marriage) so he would have to be cool and respectful about it or we’d have serious issues.
What did they say? :
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : We were long distance at different universities at the time, and I remember being really shy around him the first time we met up after. He just gave me a massive hug and took me out for pizza.
What’s it like now? :
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I was outed accidently in front of a few people but they were friends and it was around the time when I was coming out anyway. My queer friend was just so excited for me he blurted it out!
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? : This was with my super liberal uni group of friends so it was ok.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. :
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : I’m only half way out. I’m out to close friends, my partner, and in my family only my brother knows. I’m comfortable at this level because it means I can talk openly and intimately with people who matter to me. I don’t feel the need, for example, to come out at work because I wouldn’t tell my colleagues other information about myself either.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I’ve always liked small spaces! Joking aside, I feel like I sort of nip in and out of the closet depending on my confidence - importantly I know I have the key so I can open that door any time.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? :
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : If I could live my life again I would go to myself at 14 and say “It’s ok to like girls as well as boys. Next year you’re going to meet an incredibly hot girl - don’t be afraid and DO NOT push her out of bed”
Then I could undo the biggest regret of my life.
In : Bisexual
