Name or Nick Name : Vic
Country or City you are from: : Canada
Your Age : 19
Your Gender : Male
What did you come out as? : Queer
What did you come out as? : Transgendered
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : eccentric, nerd, artist, animal lover, feminist, athlete
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 19
How old were you when you first told someone? : 19
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Nope, he just happened to be online when I came out to myself.
What made you choose that person to tell? : ^ he was online. Also he’s one of my closest friends, I knew I could trust him and that he’d be accepting.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Nope. He asked me a lot of questions though.
How did you feel? : Unbelievable. I’ve had a few weight-off-the-shoulders moments in my life but this was the biggest. Totally excited that I got to be myself finally. I would say I was absolutely bursting with pride but even that is a mediocre description of just how proud I was in that moment of who I am.
What was the person’s reaction? : Slightly skeptical but all in all accepting.
What did they say? : That it was cool with them. Or something.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : see below
What’s it like now? : He’s still getting used to it, since he’s had very little experience with anything even remotely close to this and I think he might be rethinking some of his religious beliefs. Mostly though, no change, still as close as ever.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : I actually experienced more homophobia than transphobia when I was in school. I grew up in a small, conservative, very strongly religious town so there was a lot of homophobia. My friends used to joke around saying I was a lesbian but in a sort of negative way, the same way one might joke about some one having bad gas or a giant zit. The transphobia was a lot more serious and dug a lot deeper. Although I was never short on friends in school, I was still targeted for bullying as the only girl in the entire school who dressed and behaved like a boy. I have also been approached by total strangers, always immature teens who look at me like a sideshow freak, and asked if I’m a boy or a girl.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : Being honest with other people about who I am and freely and proudly living as true to myself.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : Well, I grew up in Mennonite culture and Christian religion which pretty much meant the hardest part about coming out was letting go of my own internalized homophobia and transphobia.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I actually prefer the concept of the fridge. Being in the fridge is cramped, cold, lonely and dark but when you open the door or some one else opens it for you the light turns on and the warmth outside floods in.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Give yourself time. If you miss an opportunity to come out because you’re too scared, don’t feel bad. If you have trouble starting the conversation with some one, try notifying them through less personal means, like email or a letter, that you have something important to tell them. This will hopefully ease the pressure of having to start up the conversation from scratch in person, and will give the person you’re telling time to prepare.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I don’t think so. So far everything as turned out well.