Ulla Kelly

Coming out is hard to do ... and there are some amazing stories collected here, from all walks of life, all over Earth. Please consider sharing your story, whether you came out yourself, or somebody else came out to you. For both interviews, there's a standard set of questions plus plenty of space for you to add anything you like, just use either of the aforementioned links - thanks. The interviews are published here and on a South African LGBTQI portal called QueerLife - big ups to them for hosting the online form and supporting the project - don't forget to visit them and see your story there.

Ulla Kelly

Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009 Under: Queer

Country & city: Eastern Cape, South Africa
Name/nickname: Ulla Kelly
Age: 38
Gender: cisgendered female
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered)? gay/lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? boi, butch, dyke, woman, human being
How old were you when you first realized your identity? As a small kid, I think I suspected it - by the time I was a teenager, I was pretty sure.
How old were you when you first told someone? 21 ish
Did you plan it? If so, how? No plan except a bottle of Stolichnaya.
What made you choose that person to tell? I felt utterly compelled to tell my mother once I'd left the country and met my first girlfriend. 6000 miles of safety.
Can you remember exactly what you said? I probably slurred it, "I have something to tell you, but you have to guess."
How did you feel? Vodkatastic
What was the person’s reaction? Bemused.

What did they say? Are you pregnant? Are you a lesbian? Do you have your own closet? Is it pink?
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Fine. Apparently she freaked a bit, but she didn't bother me with it at the time.
What’s it like now? Good - she gets fed up with my inyerface dykeness sometimes.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? n/a
What happened? n/a
What were peoples’ reactions? n/a
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. I've been insulted and yelled at on English streets more times than I care to remember - but in South Africa, only once.
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: n/a
Job: yes
Family: yes
Friends: yes
What does being out mean to you? Freedom for me and the responsibility to stand up and be counted and perhaps make it easier for others to do the same.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? Liberal English/South African background simplified things for me, I reckon.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Secrets, lies and other monstrous things that shouldn't exist.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Get out of that closet unless you're in fear of your life and safety. Some people who went before you did it regardless of those things and people get attacked for it now. Get over yourself and into the light.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I'd do it sober.