Trailer Park Queer

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Trailer Park Queer

Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009 Under: Queer

Country & city: Asheville, NC, US
Name/nickname: Trailer Park Queer
Age:26
Gender: Genderqueer
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered)? To my mom, lesbian, to myself and the world, queer.
What other words would you use to describe yourself? Queer, dyke, genderqueer
How old were you when you first realized your identity? 18
How old were you when you first told someone? 18
Did you plan it? If so, how? I really didn't. I was visiting my mom home from college for a day in the Fall of my sophomore year, and she said something about how happy I looked, and I said "I've been dating someone..." and she said "Is it a girl?"
What made you choose that person to tell? The moment I realized my mom already knew or suspected, I realized she deserved to know in some way. She and I have always been close.
Can you remember exactly what you said? I said "yes." And she cried and hugged me. Then I showed her a picture of my girlfriend at the time, and we chatted a bit. Things seemed fairly normal.
How did you feel? I felt pretty okay.
What was the person's reaction? I heard from some friends of hers that she cried for a while after I left to go back to school, and then she got over it. Luckily, these friends were lesbians. Somehow, that helped.
What did they say? She didn't say much that a mom wouldn't say about her daughter's first relationship - the usual questions, I suppose.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? It's been pretty much fine ever since.
What's it like now? We're closer now than ever.
If you've been outed unwillingly, who did it? After I told my mom, I didn't really care if people outed me... I kinda made it public knowledge - whether people wanted to hear it or not.
What happened? n/a
What were peoples' reactions? n/a
If you've experienced homophobia etc, please give an example.
Since coming out, how "out" are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: I'm working on a queer-theory based thesis in graduate school.
Job: Associate Publisher of an LGBTQ newspaper.
Family: close. the usual family stuff - the stuff you expect of every mainstream traditional family.
Friends: haven't lost any - gained plenty.
What does being out mean to you? It means I make a political statement about who I am that refuses to let people erase me or any part of me for any reason.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? I grew up in a trailer park - I didn't face losing a trust fund, but I faced losing my family - and that was very scary.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? A place that is institutionally and socially constructed by society and culture - a place where people are shamed into believing they can't leave the closet because the world outside will not accept them, and the world outside is unwilling to celebrate and support who they are.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Just do it. Not to quote Nike or anything, but worrying about it is often harder than getting it over with. At least then you know how people are going to react.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? Probably not. I don't like to try to re-write my history - I made the decision then and I can't go back and change it now. These decisions made me who I am now - they have shaped me.