Get Your Queer On!

Country & city: BC, Canada
Name/nickname: Toni
Age: 29
Gender: Female
What did you come out as? My announcement was “I have a girlfriend” or “I’m dating a woman” or “I’m sooo gay” depending on the person I was coming out to.
What other words would you use to describe yourself? I generally just go by my first name, but have proudly called myself: gay, queer, dyke, lesbian, pervert etc. I’m a bisexual breeder by definition, I suppose.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? I was born a tomboy, never grew out of it, and always completely proud of my gender-bending weirdness. But, I was far more sexually attracted to men my whole life. I had a few mild crushes on girls in high school, one of them (an out dyke at the time) told me she could tell I wasn’t gay. For some reason I believed her expertise and easily forgot about girls until recent years.
How old were you when you first told someone? 28
Did you plan it? If so, how?
What made you choose that person to tell?
Can you remember exactly what you said?
How did you feel?
What happened?
What were peoples’ reactions?
Funny, I can’t even remember who the very first person I told was…because I told almost everyone I knew on the same day (and the rest within the week). I had been dating a women for a few weeks, when we started considering each other “girlfriends” I figured I should let people know.
Some of my favorite reactions:
A good buddy of mine gave me high-five and said “Wow, I’m friends with a lesbian. That makes me cooler by proximity!”
When I broke the news to my kids ( 8, 6 an 4 years old)…and asked them how they felt about the whole thing, they just looked at me blankly and said “So what, girls can marry girls on ‘The Sims’ “.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. A lady working at a convenience store told me: “I didn’t know you were gay. I can understand having sex with girls…I’m mean, I’ve slept with a few… but being in love with a woman? That’s just weird.” She still gives me free coffee and taqitos, though.
I’ve gotten some flack from a few lesbians who don’t believe in bisexuality…and told me I must of just been living a lie until now.
Since coming out, how “out” are you:
I’m out to anyone who asks, or if it comes up in conversation. I don’t have any shirts that proclaim my sexuality. I’m comfortable kissing my gf in public.
I’ve told my kids they are welcome to tell anyone, but they should be prepared that some kids/parents might have issues with lesbians.
What does being out mean to you? Being myself, being honest and not having to lie.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? Having a liberal, non-religious family helped, I’m sure. My fam had gay friends when I was growing up.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? The closet is what keeps you from having the opportunity to live your life as you were meant to.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? If you want to come out and it’s safe to — then do it. The benifets to your mental health should outweigh the homophobia you may experience.