Thomas
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009
Under: Gay
Name or Nick Name : Thomas (Planet Q TV)
Country or City you are from: : Chicago
Your Age : 39
Your Gender : male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : willing to help, caring, business minded, work-a-holic, stubborn, opinionated
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 16
How old were you when you first told someone? : 35
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No it wasn’t plan. I told a childhood friend of mine who I lost contact with for sometime and then we kept emailing each other and learning about how our careers were going. I came out to him in an email. He didn’t really say one way or another whether he knew or cared - it was just kind of out there.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I had hidden it all of my life so I thought as one of my childhood best friends, I thought I should tell him.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : I just said something like, I want you to know that I am gay..I never told you this before and I hope it doesn’t ruin our friendship.
How did you feel? : Indifferent - because our communication was only through email, it is not the same as if you were talking on the phone or in person. I was glad to tell him but nothing ever cam of it it positive or negative.
What was the person’s reaction? : Neither positive or negative. Pretty much indifferent.
What did they say? : Nothing.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : With kept in touch thru email for a while and then I lost touch with him again. It has been years since I have talked to him.
What’s it like now? : see above.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My partner to my straight friend I met while working security.
What happened? : I asked my friend to help me with a web design that was gay friendly (I knew he had a gay roomate at one time and I learned that he did not have a problem with gay folks). While he wash helping me with the website, he came across my partner’s blog talking about us. I hadn’t decided if I was going to tell him or not.
What were peoples’ reactions? : His exact words were “why didn’t you tell me you were gay, i wouldn’t of cared.” I told him I didn’t know if he would have a problem with it and I did not want to hurt our friendship. It didn’t - we are still very good friends.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Other than snide remarks made in public if me and my partner are out and someone pegs us as being gay - I can’t say I have ever experienced any homophobia. Most of my life, I hid the fact that I was gay to everybody.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : It means that people know that I am gay and that I am just like anyone else. No more or no less
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : In the african american culture, being gay is not talked about and is looked down upon. Especially with the black church which has a huge problem with the gay question. It is not as bad now as it was when I was in high school or college and that was 20 years ago.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Not letting anyone know your sexual identity. Pretending you are straight.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Do it at your own pace and do it slowly. Feel your friends and family out. Simple questions slipped in, something that comes up in the news, etc. I would never say - just do it - everyone’s situation is different - but don’t do like I did - I was a major closet case and was afraid of what people would think - that shaped a lot of what I did through life. I am happily out and gay now, run two gay websites and really want to be apart of th gay community - it is something I didn’t do while growing up and in my early years and I regret it.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : Yes..I would have come to terms with myself along time ago, I would have made an effort to develop a circle of friends and I would not have been as afraid to be out as I was.
Anything you want to add? : Be happy with yourself and love yourself. You can’t love anyone else until you do. I have been a great relationship for 15 years and I love every minute of it.
You may add your website if you like : http://www.planetq.tv
Country or City you are from: : Chicago
Your Age : 39
Your Gender : male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : willing to help, caring, business minded, work-a-holic, stubborn, opinionated
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 16
How old were you when you first told someone? : 35
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No it wasn’t plan. I told a childhood friend of mine who I lost contact with for sometime and then we kept emailing each other and learning about how our careers were going. I came out to him in an email. He didn’t really say one way or another whether he knew or cared - it was just kind of out there.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I had hidden it all of my life so I thought as one of my childhood best friends, I thought I should tell him.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : I just said something like, I want you to know that I am gay..I never told you this before and I hope it doesn’t ruin our friendship.
How did you feel? : Indifferent - because our communication was only through email, it is not the same as if you were talking on the phone or in person. I was glad to tell him but nothing ever cam of it it positive or negative.
What was the person’s reaction? : Neither positive or negative. Pretty much indifferent.
What did they say? : Nothing.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : With kept in touch thru email for a while and then I lost touch with him again. It has been years since I have talked to him.
What’s it like now? : see above.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My partner to my straight friend I met while working security.
What happened? : I asked my friend to help me with a web design that was gay friendly (I knew he had a gay roomate at one time and I learned that he did not have a problem with gay folks). While he wash helping me with the website, he came across my partner’s blog talking about us. I hadn’t decided if I was going to tell him or not.
What were peoples’ reactions? : His exact words were “why didn’t you tell me you were gay, i wouldn’t of cared.” I told him I didn’t know if he would have a problem with it and I did not want to hurt our friendship. It didn’t - we are still very good friends.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Other than snide remarks made in public if me and my partner are out and someone pegs us as being gay - I can’t say I have ever experienced any homophobia. Most of my life, I hid the fact that I was gay to everybody.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : It means that people know that I am gay and that I am just like anyone else. No more or no less
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : In the african american culture, being gay is not talked about and is looked down upon. Especially with the black church which has a huge problem with the gay question. It is not as bad now as it was when I was in high school or college and that was 20 years ago.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Not letting anyone know your sexual identity. Pretending you are straight.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Do it at your own pace and do it slowly. Feel your friends and family out. Simple questions slipped in, something that comes up in the news, etc. I would never say - just do it - everyone’s situation is different - but don’t do like I did - I was a major closet case and was afraid of what people would think - that shaped a lot of what I did through life. I am happily out and gay now, run two gay websites and really want to be apart of th gay community - it is something I didn’t do while growing up and in my early years and I regret it.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : Yes..I would have come to terms with myself along time ago, I would have made an effort to develop a circle of friends and I would not have been as afraid to be out as I was.
Anything you want to add? : Be happy with yourself and love yourself. You can’t love anyone else until you do. I have been a great relationship for 15 years and I love every minute of it.
You may add your website if you like : http://www.planetq.tv
In : Gay
