The Road Less Travelled
Posted by ulla on Sunday, February 22, 2009
Under: Bisexual
Name or Nick Name : The Road Less Travelled
Country or City you are from: : Los Angeles, USA
Your Age : 33
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? :
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 30
How old were you when you first told someone? : 30
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I didn’t really plan it. I was driving with my brother and was asking him about his love life. He then told me he was seeing someone, but it wasn’t a girl. I then said I was seeing someone too, and it wasn’t a boy.
What made you choose that person to tell? : He’s my brother and he came out to me.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes. Stated above.
How did you feel? : Relieved to be telling someone
What was the person’s reaction? : Disbelief that we were going through something similar
What did they say? : “Holy crap!”
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Great. Always has been good.
What’s it like now? : Great.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My ex-husband.
What happened? : When he found out I was cheating on him with a woman, he went to my parents, family and friends and told them.
What were peoples’ reactions? : My parents were furious and disowned me. My younger brothers were supportive.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : My parents - when they found out, all they could do was yell at me. So I asked my parents to come to a therapist with me so that we could at least talk. My dad showed up, but ended up saying “God intended for a man and a woman to be together” and that he didn’t want my daughter exposed to this and that there is to be no lesbianism in this family. My therapist then said, that I was my daughter’s mother and his response was that he could find her a new mother.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being comfortable with who you are and not trying to hide or pretend.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I come from an Asian family that isn’t exposed to anyone gay, so they think it’s a freak of nature and really wrong. We also live in a conservative community and they are ashamed and angry at me for making them look bad that they’ve raised such an abnormal daughter.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Hiding who you are.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Find someone or people who are supportive so you can turn to them if the people you are coming out to aren’t understanding. It’s important to have feel like you’re not all alone.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : In a way I wish this all happened before I had married a man. But I think everything happens for a reason and even though it’s been a really rough ride, I have a beautiful daugther and I’m with a woman I love.
Country or City you are from: : Los Angeles, USA
Your Age : 33
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? :
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 30
How old were you when you first told someone? : 30
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I didn’t really plan it. I was driving with my brother and was asking him about his love life. He then told me he was seeing someone, but it wasn’t a girl. I then said I was seeing someone too, and it wasn’t a boy.
What made you choose that person to tell? : He’s my brother and he came out to me.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes. Stated above.
How did you feel? : Relieved to be telling someone
What was the person’s reaction? : Disbelief that we were going through something similar
What did they say? : “Holy crap!”
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Great. Always has been good.
What’s it like now? : Great.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My ex-husband.
What happened? : When he found out I was cheating on him with a woman, he went to my parents, family and friends and told them.
What were peoples’ reactions? : My parents were furious and disowned me. My younger brothers were supportive.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : My parents - when they found out, all they could do was yell at me. So I asked my parents to come to a therapist with me so that we could at least talk. My dad showed up, but ended up saying “God intended for a man and a woman to be together” and that he didn’t want my daughter exposed to this and that there is to be no lesbianism in this family. My therapist then said, that I was my daughter’s mother and his response was that he could find her a new mother.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being comfortable with who you are and not trying to hide or pretend.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I come from an Asian family that isn’t exposed to anyone gay, so they think it’s a freak of nature and really wrong. We also live in a conservative community and they are ashamed and angry at me for making them look bad that they’ve raised such an abnormal daughter.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Hiding who you are.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Find someone or people who are supportive so you can turn to them if the people you are coming out to aren’t understanding. It’s important to have feel like you’re not all alone.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : In a way I wish this all happened before I had married a man. But I think everything happens for a reason and even though it’s been a really rough ride, I have a beautiful daugther and I’m with a woman I love.
In : Bisexual
