Country & city: United States, Miami
Name/nickname: Stacey
Age: 35
Gender: Female
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered)? lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? stubborn, sarcastic, creative and giving.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? very young, 11ish maybe. i just knew i liked girls, but i didn’t know what that meant. i finally accepted the label of “lesbian” when i was 18.
How old were you when you first told someone? I actually had to do it twice. I was 18 when I first told a friend at school. I was away college (living on campus), so I was eventually out at school but in the closet at home as I hadn’t told my family yet. So when I moved back home, I had to come out all over again.
Did you plan it? If so, how? Nope, neither time.
What made you choose that person to tell? I decided to tell the friend in school because he had a crush on me and I couldn’t find any other way to tell him I wasn’t interested.
Can you remember exactly what you said? No. I remember where I was, but not what I said.
How did you feel? The first time - releived. The second time - scared of being disowned
What was the person’s reaction? My friend was fine with it. My family took a little time, but they have adjusted.
What did they say? I wish I could remember. I know my family said they weren’t going to kick me out, but I don’t remember anything beyond that.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? The friend and I remained friends for awhile. We lost touch for a bit but have reconnected on facebook. Things with my family were strained for a few years.
What’s it like now? My relationship with my family is much better now that there is complete honesty.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? Of all people, my great-grandmother outed me. She was the reason I told the rest of the family.
What happened? She put it together and told my grandparents that someone else told her. My grandparents confronted the poor soul who got accused and he told them that my great-grandmother was the one who told him about it, not the other way around. (my great-grandmother was quite the troublemaker in her day! lol) my grandparents then confronted me and I confessed.
What were peoples’ reactions? the friend was fine, the grandparents a bit shocked. my mom was cheering for me. lol. she actually told me that she saw me going down that path before I even realized it.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. While living in the dorms, we decorated our door with freedom rings cut out of construction paper. Someone in our dorm wrote “dyke” on it (of course the spelled it “dike” which showed their intelligence level). Other than that, I haven’t had much happen in the way of homophobic experiences.
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: not in school anymore, but when I was, I was out.
Job: completely out
Family: completely out
Friends: completely out
What does being out mean to you? Being out for me is freedom. Although I will say I am constantly “coming out”. I am out, but I don’t always include that info in my introduction when I meet new people, so sometimes it leads to awkward moments until they either figure it out or I clue them in.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? I don’t think it made any.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? It means hiding who you really are, sometimes even from yourself.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? I would say definitely do it. Some people will care, but like the saying says “those who mind, don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? No. Even though I did get outed the second time, I wasn’t ready to tell them yet, so I wouldn’t have done it. In retrospect, I’m glad it happened.