RD
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009
Under: Bisexual
Name or Nick Name : RD
Country or City you are from: : Miami, FL (via Goldsboro, NC)
Your Age : 23
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : accidental genderfuck, crossdresser
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 20
How old were you when you first told someone? : 20
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I don’t know. At the time I told my casting a play that I was stage managing for. I just told them. I don’t know why.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : No, but I do remember mentioning my bisexuality in an offhand comment.
How did you feel? : Liberated, I guess.
What was the person’s reaction? : The cast never believed me, however, because they thought that you actually had to have relations with another woman to be considered gay–I guess I was a victim of the “lesbian until graduation” myth.
What did they say? : Something along the lines of “have you been with another girl” and I missed the question (my hearing fails me sometimes), failed to answer and was labeled as a hypocrite, especially because another member in the cast had a girlfriend and was a lesbian or bisexual.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : The cast and I were tight around the time of the play and immediately afterwards–I never mentioned my bisexuality again.
What’s it like now? : I haven’t had any contact with the cast in recent years.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I don’t consider it an “outing” per se, but in high school I was obsessed with having a girl be a friend of mine to the point where I was giving her books as gifts–and I barely knew the girl. I never considered the relationship romantic at all but looking back at it I can see how it can be interpreted as romantic. Her established friends from the middle school she attended said that I was a lesbian.
What happened? : I fought them back verbally and successfully won. I’m scared to mention it to them now–I don’t know how they’d feel about it. I don’t imply that I’m bisexual on Facebook for that very reason since these girls were among some of the first people that befriended me on Facebook.
What were peoples’ reactions? : I told one of my best friends; she sympathized with me because she was accused of being a lesbian in middle school. I think it’s because she has curly hair that kinda looks like a mullet. Her natural hair isn’t her fault! Ironically I used to hang out with the people that called her a lesbian and agreed with her (albeit not verbally).
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. :
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : Being comfortable with who you are, first and foremost to yourself, then to others. I’m still trying to find the perfect way to say “I’m bisexual” in school yet.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : It just delayed my coming-out process longer. I grew up in a rural area of North Carolina that is historically conservative. Growing up you never learned about alternative sexuality. The violation of church and state in the area, i.e. handing out Gideons New Testament bibles on school campuses and sponsoring Christian groups to do abstinence plays in school, didn’t help my process either. It’s only been recently that my local library even bought books pertaining to the GLBTQ community that weren’t E. Lynn Harris novels. (The I was intentionally left out, as I don’t think my library has any books pertaining to intersexuality yet.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I believe that you have to be ready to come out of it when the time arrives–if it does. Not everyone, especially those who do not live in Western countries, can afford to come out.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Don’t be like Perez Hilton, all too eager to out people that you think are gay. If you can safely come out to your family without any threat of abuse, come out. If not, get out of the threatening situation before coming out.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I’d have a scribe write down the exact details for me. That’s all.
Anything you want to add? : Without that tumultuous ninth-grade year in high school–the same year I started accidentally courting the girl I mentioned earlier, I started trying to court a guy–I would’ve never came to the conclusion that I was bisexual at the age of 20.
Country or City you are from: : Miami, FL (via Goldsboro, NC)
Your Age : 23
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : accidental genderfuck, crossdresser
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 20
How old were you when you first told someone? : 20
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I don’t know. At the time I told my casting a play that I was stage managing for. I just told them. I don’t know why.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : No, but I do remember mentioning my bisexuality in an offhand comment.
How did you feel? : Liberated, I guess.
What was the person’s reaction? : The cast never believed me, however, because they thought that you actually had to have relations with another woman to be considered gay–I guess I was a victim of the “lesbian until graduation” myth.
What did they say? : Something along the lines of “have you been with another girl” and I missed the question (my hearing fails me sometimes), failed to answer and was labeled as a hypocrite, especially because another member in the cast had a girlfriend and was a lesbian or bisexual.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : The cast and I were tight around the time of the play and immediately afterwards–I never mentioned my bisexuality again.
What’s it like now? : I haven’t had any contact with the cast in recent years.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I don’t consider it an “outing” per se, but in high school I was obsessed with having a girl be a friend of mine to the point where I was giving her books as gifts–and I barely knew the girl. I never considered the relationship romantic at all but looking back at it I can see how it can be interpreted as romantic. Her established friends from the middle school she attended said that I was a lesbian.
What happened? : I fought them back verbally and successfully won. I’m scared to mention it to them now–I don’t know how they’d feel about it. I don’t imply that I’m bisexual on Facebook for that very reason since these girls were among some of the first people that befriended me on Facebook.
What were peoples’ reactions? : I told one of my best friends; she sympathized with me because she was accused of being a lesbian in middle school. I think it’s because she has curly hair that kinda looks like a mullet. Her natural hair isn’t her fault! Ironically I used to hang out with the people that called her a lesbian and agreed with her (albeit not verbally).
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. :
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : Being comfortable with who you are, first and foremost to yourself, then to others. I’m still trying to find the perfect way to say “I’m bisexual” in school yet.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : It just delayed my coming-out process longer. I grew up in a rural area of North Carolina that is historically conservative. Growing up you never learned about alternative sexuality. The violation of church and state in the area, i.e. handing out Gideons New Testament bibles on school campuses and sponsoring Christian groups to do abstinence plays in school, didn’t help my process either. It’s only been recently that my local library even bought books pertaining to the GLBTQ community that weren’t E. Lynn Harris novels. (The I was intentionally left out, as I don’t think my library has any books pertaining to intersexuality yet.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I believe that you have to be ready to come out of it when the time arrives–if it does. Not everyone, especially those who do not live in Western countries, can afford to come out.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Don’t be like Perez Hilton, all too eager to out people that you think are gay. If you can safely come out to your family without any threat of abuse, come out. If not, get out of the threatening situation before coming out.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I’d have a scribe write down the exact details for me. That’s all.
Anything you want to add? : Without that tumultuous ninth-grade year in high school–the same year I started accidentally courting the girl I mentioned earlier, I started trying to court a guy–I would’ve never came to the conclusion that I was bisexual at the age of 20.
In : Bisexual
