Queen of Spades
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009
Under: Lesbian
Name or Nick Name : Queen Of Spades
Country or City you are from: : Boston
Your Age : 27
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Sensitive, sarcastic, intelligent, intense, creative
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 24
How old were you when you first told someone? : 26
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I did plan it. I wanted to tell her at some point during our dinner engagement, because it was starting to make me crazy that she didn't know. We'd always been close. So I vowed to tell her either in the car or over dinner, so she'd have a chance to ask me questions, etc.
What made you choose that person to tell? : We've been friends for more than 10 years, she's an incredible friend, and I knew she wouldn't judge. It was important that the first person I told would most likely be supportive. Even then, my heart nearly popped out of my chest from beating so hard.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes, because it was completely ineloquent. I told her I had something to tell her, and I was nervous about it because I didn't want her to feel like I'd been keeping it from her. I told her I honestly hadn't put it all together until recently, and that I was pretty certain I was gay.
How did you feel? : Before I got it out, I was sweating bullets, my heart was beating, and I thought I'd have a heart attack. It was like being naked in a nightclub.
What was the person’s reaction? : She was lovely, as I knew she would be. She just told me she didn't care and that she was so appreciative that I trusted her enough to tell her. Then we discussed all the conclusions I'd come to that led me up to finally opening my eyes.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : The same if not better. I trust her and feel really lucky to have her in my life. She's an awesome friend, a great listener, and it's so nice to have someone to talk to about it. Not being out across the board is a huge weight on your shoulders, so having good friends to talk to is essential.
What’s it like now? : She's my best homey and I love her to bits.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I haven't yet, but I do have a friend that I told who is far more outgoing than I am. She's also about as pro-gay as a straight person can be, and I worry she'll slip. But I'm getting to the point where I don't care anymore. Love me or go screw, you know?
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : I hear a lot of the "that's gay!" vernacular, which drives me nuts. I'm not completely out, so I haven't been specifically targeted. Mostly I feel sorry for people who are that ignorant.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : It means being able to breathe. It means taking off the straight mask and being able to live my life. It means happiness and freedom. I think about it nearly every day, and I'm working hard to move toward being completely out. It's one of my goals for this year.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I'm half black and it's less acceptable. My family is large, though, and by no means perfect. So it's not like I'll be shattering the image of perfection. My parents were born in the 50's so they're still a little bit old school. Overall they've been supportive to me all my life, so I'm hoping they'll eventually be okay with it.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : The one word that keeps coming to mind that I'm feeling is suffocated. It's living half your life, being so wrapped up in consequences that you choke the life our of yourself.
As soon as I realized and accepted that I was a lesbian, it's like it instantly became insufferable to lie about it. It's hard to be closeted, I think it creates anxiety and lots of other problems.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Find that one person who you trust and love, who will be most likely to react positively. It's about baby steps, and having that first experience be positive is important. It gives you the courage to tell one more person. And so on. I also think it's really important to do it when you're ready.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : No, the only thing I regret is not having found the courage to tell everyone yet.
Country or City you are from: : Boston
Your Age : 27
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Sensitive, sarcastic, intelligent, intense, creative
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 24
How old were you when you first told someone? : 26
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I did plan it. I wanted to tell her at some point during our dinner engagement, because it was starting to make me crazy that she didn't know. We'd always been close. So I vowed to tell her either in the car or over dinner, so she'd have a chance to ask me questions, etc.
What made you choose that person to tell? : We've been friends for more than 10 years, she's an incredible friend, and I knew she wouldn't judge. It was important that the first person I told would most likely be supportive. Even then, my heart nearly popped out of my chest from beating so hard.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes, because it was completely ineloquent. I told her I had something to tell her, and I was nervous about it because I didn't want her to feel like I'd been keeping it from her. I told her I honestly hadn't put it all together until recently, and that I was pretty certain I was gay.
How did you feel? : Before I got it out, I was sweating bullets, my heart was beating, and I thought I'd have a heart attack. It was like being naked in a nightclub.
What was the person’s reaction? : She was lovely, as I knew she would be. She just told me she didn't care and that she was so appreciative that I trusted her enough to tell her. Then we discussed all the conclusions I'd come to that led me up to finally opening my eyes.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : The same if not better. I trust her and feel really lucky to have her in my life. She's an awesome friend, a great listener, and it's so nice to have someone to talk to about it. Not being out across the board is a huge weight on your shoulders, so having good friends to talk to is essential.
What’s it like now? : She's my best homey and I love her to bits.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I haven't yet, but I do have a friend that I told who is far more outgoing than I am. She's also about as pro-gay as a straight person can be, and I worry she'll slip. But I'm getting to the point where I don't care anymore. Love me or go screw, you know?
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : I hear a lot of the "that's gay!" vernacular, which drives me nuts. I'm not completely out, so I haven't been specifically targeted. Mostly I feel sorry for people who are that ignorant.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : It means being able to breathe. It means taking off the straight mask and being able to live my life. It means happiness and freedom. I think about it nearly every day, and I'm working hard to move toward being completely out. It's one of my goals for this year.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I'm half black and it's less acceptable. My family is large, though, and by no means perfect. So it's not like I'll be shattering the image of perfection. My parents were born in the 50's so they're still a little bit old school. Overall they've been supportive to me all my life, so I'm hoping they'll eventually be okay with it.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : The one word that keeps coming to mind that I'm feeling is suffocated. It's living half your life, being so wrapped up in consequences that you choke the life our of yourself.
As soon as I realized and accepted that I was a lesbian, it's like it instantly became insufferable to lie about it. It's hard to be closeted, I think it creates anxiety and lots of other problems.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Find that one person who you trust and love, who will be most likely to react positively. It's about baby steps, and having that first experience be positive is important. It gives you the courage to tell one more person. And so on. I also think it's really important to do it when you're ready.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : No, the only thing I regret is not having found the courage to tell everyone yet.
In : Lesbian
