Name or Nick Name : Pat
Country or City you are from: : Warrington, PA
Your Age : 51
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : mom
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : about 40
How old were you when you first told someone? : 44
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I didn’t specifically plan to tell, but I had laid out a lot of hints for about 3 months.
What made you choose that person to tell? : She was my best friend and I trusted her the most.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : The funny thing is, I didn’t really say anything. I had hinted around so much that she actually guessed and told me. All I said was “yes, I am.”
How did you feel? : I was very nervous and emotional. I was crying. I know my stomach was doing flip-flops.
What was the person’s reaction? : She was very cool about it and totally accepted me as a lesbian.
What did they say? : She told me she would love me (and she meant platonic)and would remain my friend, no matter what.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : In one way we became closer, because there was an increase of trust between us. In another way, it became a little strained because at first she was uncomfortable discussing lesbian issues.
What’s it like now? : My relationship with her has remained that of a best friend. Over time, she has become much more open and understanding of homosexuality. She now has other gay friends, besides me.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My ex-husband outed me several times.
What happened? : He told his family, which I fully understand, but he also told people he worked with and people in my neighborhood, which was kind of un-cool. He did it by telling them he was involved in a website and the website was for straight spouses who are married to homosexuals.
What were peoples’ reactions? : It was notable in that there was a lack of reaction. No one did anything differently or treated me any differently.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : The only really negative experience I have had was from a total stranger. People I know have been wonderful.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : To me, coming out means being totally honest about who I am and about the nature of my relationship with my partner.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I do not think it was relevant.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Fear.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Imagine the worst case scenario.  Decide if you can handle it. If you can, go for it.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I’d probably come out much quicker than I did.
Anything you want to add? : Coming out was such a life-changing experience for me that I was inspired to help others through the process. As a result I have become a life coach for women and men who come out in midlife.
You may add your website if you like : www.discoveringpride.com