Melissa
Posted by ulla on Sunday, February 22, 2009
Under: Lesbian
Country & city: South Africa, Jozi
Name/nickname: Melissa
Age: 36
Gender: Female
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)? Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? Tall, practical, funny, sometimes unreasonable but mostly fair, pretty smart.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? 31 (gay identity)
How old were you when you first told someone? 31
Did you plan it? If so, how? No
What made you choose that person to tell? She was my oldest friend
Can you remember exactly what you said? I’ve had an epiphany…
How did you feel? I felt clear, as if everything suddenly made sense
What was the person’s reaction? She tried to persuade me that it wasn’t a good idea
What did they say? Are you sure? Then in very couched terms went on to describe how difficult is was being gay (I was unaware that she was in fact gay herself, a fact that became crystal clear after the 3rd or fourth email)
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Pretty hot!
What’s it like now? Pretty hot!
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. One unsavoury experience at a homophobic hotel when it dawned on the patrons that we were a couple they became extremely frosty. Went to bed early and fled at the crack of dawn
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: Completely
Job: Completely
Family: Completely
Friends: Completely
What does being out mean to you? Acknowledging my sexuality, not forcing it on people but not disguising it
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? My parents have no religious hang-ups (atheists) and were more concerned that I might have turned to God than to women which made a huge difference
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Denying who you are
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Do it in your own time, when it’s right for you. Make sure you have a support structure in place. I found the more people I told the easier it became but you have to realize that you will forever be coming out, it’s not a once off thing. Tell the most important people first.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? No. I would do it earlier maybe but it wasn’t a choice, it was the time I was ready to acknowledge it.
Name/nickname: Melissa
Age: 36
Gender: Female
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)? Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? Tall, practical, funny, sometimes unreasonable but mostly fair, pretty smart.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? 31 (gay identity)
How old were you when you first told someone? 31
Did you plan it? If so, how? No
What made you choose that person to tell? She was my oldest friend
Can you remember exactly what you said? I’ve had an epiphany…
How did you feel? I felt clear, as if everything suddenly made sense
What was the person’s reaction? She tried to persuade me that it wasn’t a good idea
What did they say? Are you sure? Then in very couched terms went on to describe how difficult is was being gay (I was unaware that she was in fact gay herself, a fact that became crystal clear after the 3rd or fourth email)
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Pretty hot!
What’s it like now? Pretty hot!
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. One unsavoury experience at a homophobic hotel when it dawned on the patrons that we were a couple they became extremely frosty. Went to bed early and fled at the crack of dawn
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: Completely
Job: Completely
Family: Completely
Friends: Completely
What does being out mean to you? Acknowledging my sexuality, not forcing it on people but not disguising it
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? My parents have no religious hang-ups (atheists) and were more concerned that I might have turned to God than to women which made a huge difference
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Denying who you are
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Do it in your own time, when it’s right for you. Make sure you have a support structure in place. I found the more people I told the easier it became but you have to realize that you will forever be coming out, it’s not a once off thing. Tell the most important people first.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? No. I would do it earlier maybe but it wasn’t a choice, it was the time I was ready to acknowledge it.
In : Lesbian
