Country & city: USA, Honolulu, Hawaii
Name/nickname: Marby aka Jurky aka Feel
Age: 25
Gender: Female
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered)? I came out as a lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? Queer, Androgynous
How old were you when you first realized your identity? I was somewhere in preschool. I remember I had this ginormous crush on this girl in my class. Even at that age, i knew I wanted to marry her.
How old were you when you first told someone? I was 16 and I told my best friend who later became my first girlfriend in High School. No one else knew though
Did you plan it? If so, how? I knew I wanted to tell her for a very long time because I trusted her and I was attracted to her. I didn’t want there to be secrets between us.
What made you choose that person to tell? Because she was my best friend at the time.
Can you remember exactly what you said? Actually I didn’t speak it. I told her in a note in her bedroom.How did you feel? Ashamed because I thought I was the only gay person in the world.
What was the person’s reaction? She was very calm. She came over to me and gave me a huge hug and said that she would never disown me as a friend, lol.
What did they say? oh, i guess i already answered that one up there, lol
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? well, things started heating up between us and we ended up being very sexually attracted to one another.
What’s it like now? we no longer talk. she’s straight.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? I was outed unwillingly after High School. My family moved to a new house and they happened to unpack a box full of my old things which included old journals. They read some of the journals and read about me and my first girlfriend.
What happened? Their reaction was not very nice. I grew up in a Roman Catholic upbringing and for about a year I was not allowed to have friends. I was only allowed to go to work and school. I later on became very depressed because of being oppressed and I was underweight for a while because I wasn’t eating.
What were peoples’ reactions? My family was ashamed of me and almost kicked me out and disowned me. I was very scared of being kicked out because we were living in a new town and I didn’t know anyone who could help me.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example.Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:Educational institution: I currently don’t go to school right now
Job: everyone knows, even our customers
Family: they all know and are accepting of it now
Friends: all of my friends know
What does being out mean to you? It means just me allowing to be who I am. I shouldn’t have to be ashamed of who i am or who i love. And I shouldn’t have to live in fear because of it either.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out?
It was difficult because in a Roman Catholic upbringing it’s considered sinful. I’m not religious but am spiritual and I’ve helped open the eyes of my family members since then.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? It’s a tiny box, man. for so long it suffocated me. Because of the fact that i knew i was always gay, being in the closet really took a toll on my physical, mental and emotional well being. I always say, “If I could go back to High School knowing what I know now…”
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Talk to someone you trust first, or someone who has had experience. They’ll help you :)
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? Yea, definitely. I think I would have just said “fuck it!” and came out to everyone in High School. A person should never have to worry about their reputation. BE NOTORIOUS!!