Name or Nick Name : Malanya
Country or City you are from: : Queens
Your Age : 17
Your Gender : girl
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Fun, Silly, Artistic, Creative, Open, Friendly, Sexy, Motivated, Confident, Going Places, Helpful, Thoughtful, Hard-Working, Great Friend, Understanding, Intelligent, Sensitive, Smily, Loud Laughter, Cute, Emotional, Hedonistic
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 14
How old were you when you first told someone? : 14/15
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No!!!
What made you choose that person to tell? : It was my mom...and lord did i try and avoid it...
Can you remember exactly what you said? : She saw it on my myspace...I didn't say much...
How did you feel? : Sweaty palms, heart palpitations, drowning eyes, out of breath, closed in, claustrophobic, self-hating, angry, terrified, ashamed...
What was the person’s reaction? : ...terrifiying.
What did they say? : "Do you want to go live with your father?" "How are you going to be a role model to your little sisters?" "Why didn't you tell me so we could fix it?" "Read the Bible. You're an abomination." "No I won't accept this."
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : awkward. silent. painful.
What’s it like now? : Normal. We don't speak about anything relating to my relationship life. But she thinks every girlfriend of mine is a GIRLFRIEND. Which is so...annoying.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : After that...I did it willingly. I'm very open about it.
What happened? : They pretty much accept it. They digg it. They love me. Some don't approve but they know me- I don't care about what they think.
What were peoples’ reactions? : "Ok. Who do you like?" "Are you sure??" "You don't like guys? For Real?" "Do you hate boys?" "Not bi? I thought you were bi." "I know."
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : My best friend told me I should take a boy to prom because "the parents are Christian and they might not approve. The pictures would be messed up if you were with some girl. She'll probably wear a suit".
I freaked out and of course did not comply with her blatantly homophobic suggestion. Presently, she has apologized and recognized that she is wrong.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : I am comfortable in my own skin and feel no need to please anyone else. I know what I like, what I want, and what I love. Nobody can change that and it is disrespect if they try to. It also means that I am a person of experiences, pride and compassion. I will stand up to those everyday oppressors. My little corner of the universe revolves around the fact that all you need is love and the rest will follow. Everyone deserves the same chances, the same respect. Humanity is not a privilege.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : My family is Jamaican. That made everything a little bit more intense that anything I've ever experienced. Seeing as how "sodomy" laws are still in full effect in Jamaica and hate crimes go wildly unpunished. My stepfather would go crazy If he ever found out that I am a lesbian.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Dark. Lonely. Not enough space. No wings. Can be opened at any moment by anyone...it sucks when you have uninvited visitors...
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Think hard about it. Don't ever feel pressured to do it. Consider all the consequences of staying in the closet and coming out. Try and find a support group. It's your life. Live it.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : No!!
Anything you want to add? : I'm in love with my life. I'm glad I am who I am. I'm so blessed to be part of such a special community.