Name or Nick Name : Kitana
Country or City you are from: : Durban South Africa
Your Age : 23
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? :
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 21
How old were you when you first told someone? : 21
Did you plan it? If so, how? : It was planned. I fell in love with my current partner and decided that I needed to confide in her as well as with a few selected friends. My partner and I met at church and I had no idea she was also gay until she finally had the courage to tell me. A whole week later i confided in her that I had feelings for her. Long story from there.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I was in love with my partner and felt it was fair to tell her about my feelings for her. The friend I confided in, I hoped was open minded enough to not descriminate but i was wrong. He is my brother in law and we had been friends for a good many years. I had often confided in him, as he has always been the most perceptive person in regards to what is going on in my life.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : He had asked me a few times if my partner was gay and I always denied it, as most people knew my partner and I were really good friends. One day he confronted me on it, after much crying I said, I have something to tell you. I am in love with …. and we are a couple. Please don’t tell anyone, I am not ready for them to hear it as yet.
How did you feel? : I was scared out of my mind. I was so afraid he would betray my trust. I was right, he did. But it was also such a relief to finally say it to someone.
What was the person’s reaction? : He was shocked. He said he still loved me and would not tell anyone. He then proceeded to tell my pastor and things just got out of hand.
What did they say? : He said he still loved me and would not tell anyone. He then proceeded to tell my pastor and things just got out of hand.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : We don’t talk much anymore. I ignore him as far as possible, he does the same. We only speak to each other when we absolutly have no choice.
What’s it like now? : Still the same
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My brother inlaw
What happened? : The pastor called me, I had to have a meeting with him to convince him not to out me to my family until my sisters wedding. Son far he has kept his end of the deal
What were peoples’ reactions? : My other friends and family who know, said they did not expect it from me. But for the most part, they still love me and accept who I am. I still get the occasional stupid question like, who is the guy in the relationship. LOL
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. :
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : only_friends
What does being out mean to you? : I think it would be freedom from having to lie and hide who I am. I fantasize about being able to tell my fmaily. But i am sure they will not accept it. My sister knows and she ignores it completely. I have promised her not to tell the rest of my family until after her wedding next year
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : Not much.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : It is a place of constant fear. “Will they find out?” “when” “WIll i still be loved” It is a horrible place to live in.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : I need some advice for myself. i still haven;t told my family
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I would never have confided in my brother in law