Country & city: Presently Placerville, California, USA
Name/nickname: Julie
Age: 38
Gender: F
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)?
Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? Positive, cheery, spiritual, compassionate, flirty, girly, overly analytical/intellectualizing
How old were you when you first realized your identity? I think 35
 
How old were you when you first told someone? 35
 
Did you plan it? If so, how? No - just blurted out
 
What made you choose that person to tell? He deserved the truth
Can you remember exactly what you said? Interestingly I think I do remember many of the details. I was in my then husband - Peter's study. He stood in the doorway - blocking it (he's 6'2" and wide). He said earnestly "do you ever desire me?" I couldn't lie so I said "no". He then asked "do you even know what I mean?" I said "yes! That knee knocking, heart pounding, genital throbbing wanting". He then asked "when did you feel that". I think he was hoping I'd felt that in years gone by for him. Instead I said "I felt it today." He looked quizzically at me and I said "I'm in desperate infatuation with P."
How did you feel? Strangely calm. I spoke clearly. Everything seemed to slow down and feel really real. It felt really good to let out this burning desire that I was fighting. I had it BAD!
What was the person’s reaction? He burst out laughing. A loud, big belly laugh. I think there was even thigh slapping.
What did they say? He said "I always thought I'd be the one telling you that". I was kinda confused but we went downstairs and he told me about the different men he'd desired over the last 15 years we'd be together. And why he'd asked me to marry him - to try force himself NOT to be gay. Then he started shaking and crying. Once he realized we were breaking up.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Generally good. It felt really good to be authentic. We tried to give our marriage another shot - went to counseling but a year later and we really couldn't do it anymore. We had a really respectful, amicable divorce process.
What’s it like now?He's still my brother/best friend. We talk everyday. He hangs out with me and my girlfriend. He still hasn't taken the plunge and found a good guy yet.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? N/A

What happened? N/A
What were peoples’ reactions? Most people were kinda shocked. I didn't tell many that that was the reason we were getting a divorce. But those I did thought it was kinda weird I wanted to have sex with a woman as they just couldn't identify. But no one was actively judgemental or rejecting.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. Nothing personal. We do have some bannered trucks that like to park on Main St and by schools and churches but everyone seems outraged by them.
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life
Educational institution: Don't flaunt it at my kids school

Job: All out

Family: All out

Friends: All out

What does being out mean to you? Freedom, authenticity, joy, self expression. Proud.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? I don't think I thought I could be gay in SA. Had to be in the US to feel safe.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Lying, pretending, trapped, scared, protection
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? It's liberating. Just do it. It'll come out inevitably so may as well not fight it. The lying is just too hard. People will take it better than you think. And why should what other people think limit and control you.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I can't think of anything. Maybe I wouldn't have left a message on the "object of my desires" phone telling her I'd told my husband so I may as well tell her that I was hot for her!