Jas
Posted by ulla on Monday, February 23, 2009
Under: Queer
Name or Nick Name : Jas
Country or City you are from: : Currently residing in Tampa
Your Age : 27
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Queer
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : (anti)intellectual, loving, quiet
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : very, very young
How old were you when you first told someone? : 22ish
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I was 26 when I told the one person who mattered…my mother. One of my students had just lost her mother from an act of violence. She was talking about it and she seemed so brave. I felt like a coward. This poor child was brave enough to be honest about who she is to her mother before she passed and I, an adult, couldn’t do the same. So I did.
What made you choose that person to tell? : My mother is my best friend. It took a while to tell her. I had to build up to it. I started with my baby sister, then my Grandfather, and THEN my mother. It was pretty obvious though. I was seeing someone who came to the house and who I was always running off to see. It felt insulting not to just tell the truth.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes.
How did you feel? : I felt a lot of different things. Comfortable. Scared she’d leave me. Then foolish for thinking that I had the type of mom that would be so judgmental and immature.
What was the person’s reaction? : She didn’t talk to me for a few days.
What did they say? : She finally came to my room (I was living with her at the time) and she told me that if I wanted to talk, we could. She said she knew how hard it was for me to tell her and that it would be okay. At coffee, she told me she felt like it was a phase and that it’s between me and God.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Strained at first but getting better.
What’s it like now? : Good :)
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Right now it doesn’t mean much as I am so very single. :) My outness begins and ends with the HRC bumper sticker on my car.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I think I’m oblivious to things like how my community would react to my being gay. This is true for two reasons: 1) I’ve never really felt wholly part of one community (not even the gay one) and 2) my “community” doesn’t have to live my life. So community has very little say…
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : nothing…it’s never been hard for me to tell
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Don’t rush. Don’t let anyone make that decision for you. It’ll get to a point (if you’re lucky) when you can’t lie anymore. When you can’t stomach not being who you are 24 hours a day. You decide what day that is.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : nah…
Anything you want to add? : This was cathartic…
Country or City you are from: : Currently residing in Tampa
Your Age : 27
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Queer
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : (anti)intellectual, loving, quiet
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : very, very young
How old were you when you first told someone? : 22ish
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I was 26 when I told the one person who mattered…my mother. One of my students had just lost her mother from an act of violence. She was talking about it and she seemed so brave. I felt like a coward. This poor child was brave enough to be honest about who she is to her mother before she passed and I, an adult, couldn’t do the same. So I did.
What made you choose that person to tell? : My mother is my best friend. It took a while to tell her. I had to build up to it. I started with my baby sister, then my Grandfather, and THEN my mother. It was pretty obvious though. I was seeing someone who came to the house and who I was always running off to see. It felt insulting not to just tell the truth.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes.
How did you feel? : I felt a lot of different things. Comfortable. Scared she’d leave me. Then foolish for thinking that I had the type of mom that would be so judgmental and immature.
What was the person’s reaction? : She didn’t talk to me for a few days.
What did they say? : She finally came to my room (I was living with her at the time) and she told me that if I wanted to talk, we could. She said she knew how hard it was for me to tell her and that it would be okay. At coffee, she told me she felt like it was a phase and that it’s between me and God.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Strained at first but getting better.
What’s it like now? : Good :)
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Right now it doesn’t mean much as I am so very single. :) My outness begins and ends with the HRC bumper sticker on my car.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I think I’m oblivious to things like how my community would react to my being gay. This is true for two reasons: 1) I’ve never really felt wholly part of one community (not even the gay one) and 2) my “community” doesn’t have to live my life. So community has very little say…
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : nothing…it’s never been hard for me to tell
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Don’t rush. Don’t let anyone make that decision for you. It’ll get to a point (if you’re lucky) when you can’t lie anymore. When you can’t stomach not being who you are 24 hours a day. You decide what day that is.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : nah…
Anything you want to add? : This was cathartic…
In : Queer
