Ily
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009
Under: Asexual
Country & city: San Francisco, CA
Name/nickname: Ily
Age: 24
Gender: I wear pink
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)? Asexual
What other words would you use to describe yourself? I‘m not an enigma, just a contradiction.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? I was 20.
How old were you when you first told someone? I think I was also around 20.
Did you plan it? If so, how? I sort of planned it– I was waiting for a similar topic to come up, so it didn’t have to be out of the blue.
What made you choose that person to tell? The first people I told were those who I was close to, but who I also thought were open-minded: My mom and two of my best friends. I also knew that none of these people were that sex-obsessed, so they were unlikely to tell me about “how much you’re missing out on”.
Can you remember exactly what you said? I actually can’t.
How did you feel? I was very nervous.
What was the person’s reaction? It went over well with my friends– I think they said something like, “Oh, that makes sense, sexuality is a spectrum!” (Yay for liberal arts schools.) My mom had a negative reaction at first, but I tried coming out to her again a few months later, and her response was positive. Now we talk about asexuality (and my community-building efforts among asexuals) often.
What did they say? I think the most memorable response was what my mom said the second time I came out: “Schizophrenics are 1% of the population, and they have meetings!” It sounded funny, but I knew there was a caring sentiment behind it– and if she thought we should have meetings, then that implied acceptance.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Pretty much the same.
What’s it like now? Still the same.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? A friend of mine outed me to her boyfriend.
What happened? It was awkward because he brought my asexuality up to me later like it was some very shocking thing, and like it was a dark secret (it isn’t). I don’t like when people make a big deal out of my sexuality. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have minded.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. Ah, aphobia…I haven’t been actively discriminated against, but I’ve been told that there is something wrong with me (and that may be so, but it’s not because I’m asexual).
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: I’m not in school.
Job: It’s one of those things that doesn’t really come up in a work environment. But, it’s interesting to note that I used to have my AVEN (www.asexuality.org) work on my resume, because I’d taken a leadership role with the San Francisco chapter. I took it off my resume because I didn’t want people to have any chance to discriminate. I really want to talk about my work with AVEN, but I still can’t decide whether it would help or hinder me.
Family: I’m out to all members of my immediate family; they’re supportive.
Friends: I haven’t officially come out to many of my friends, but I have a blog about asexuality that many of them read. I’ll mention asexual-related things without explanation, and if they want one, they’re free to ask.
What does being out mean to you? Hopefully, by being out, I can make things easier for the next generation of asexuals– they won’t feel the need to pretend to be something they’re not, and the concept will be better understood.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? I don’t know.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? It’s safe in a way, but it’s hard to live a really full life when you’re constantly worrying “do they know?”
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Come out however you want to. It’s the 21st century; you don’t have to sit people down for a formal talk. If you’d rather send a Myspace bulletin, more power to you. I encourage all asexuals to come out, and show the world how many of us there really are.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I did my best at the time, and that’s all I can do!
Name/nickname: Ily
Age: 24
Gender: I wear pink
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)? Asexual
What other words would you use to describe yourself? I‘m not an enigma, just a contradiction.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? I was 20.
How old were you when you first told someone? I think I was also around 20.
Did you plan it? If so, how? I sort of planned it– I was waiting for a similar topic to come up, so it didn’t have to be out of the blue.
What made you choose that person to tell? The first people I told were those who I was close to, but who I also thought were open-minded: My mom and two of my best friends. I also knew that none of these people were that sex-obsessed, so they were unlikely to tell me about “how much you’re missing out on”.
Can you remember exactly what you said? I actually can’t.
How did you feel? I was very nervous.
What was the person’s reaction? It went over well with my friends– I think they said something like, “Oh, that makes sense, sexuality is a spectrum!” (Yay for liberal arts schools.) My mom had a negative reaction at first, but I tried coming out to her again a few months later, and her response was positive. Now we talk about asexuality (and my community-building efforts among asexuals) often.
What did they say? I think the most memorable response was what my mom said the second time I came out: “Schizophrenics are 1% of the population, and they have meetings!” It sounded funny, but I knew there was a caring sentiment behind it– and if she thought we should have meetings, then that implied acceptance.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Pretty much the same.
What’s it like now? Still the same.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? A friend of mine outed me to her boyfriend.
What happened? It was awkward because he brought my asexuality up to me later like it was some very shocking thing, and like it was a dark secret (it isn’t). I don’t like when people make a big deal out of my sexuality. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have minded.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. Ah, aphobia…I haven’t been actively discriminated against, but I’ve been told that there is something wrong with me (and that may be so, but it’s not because I’m asexual).
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: I’m not in school.
Job: It’s one of those things that doesn’t really come up in a work environment. But, it’s interesting to note that I used to have my AVEN (www.asexuality.org) work on my resume, because I’d taken a leadership role with the San Francisco chapter. I took it off my resume because I didn’t want people to have any chance to discriminate. I really want to talk about my work with AVEN, but I still can’t decide whether it would help or hinder me.
Family: I’m out to all members of my immediate family; they’re supportive.
Friends: I haven’t officially come out to many of my friends, but I have a blog about asexuality that many of them read. I’ll mention asexual-related things without explanation, and if they want one, they’re free to ask.
What does being out mean to you? Hopefully, by being out, I can make things easier for the next generation of asexuals– they won’t feel the need to pretend to be something they’re not, and the concept will be better understood.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? I don’t know.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? It’s safe in a way, but it’s hard to live a really full life when you’re constantly worrying “do they know?”
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Come out however you want to. It’s the 21st century; you don’t have to sit people down for a formal talk. If you’d rather send a Myspace bulletin, more power to you. I encourage all asexuals to come out, and show the world how many of us there really are.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I did my best at the time, and that’s all I can do!
In : Asexual
