Name or Nick Name : Graham Bucks
Country or City you are from: : Johannesburg, South Africa
Your Age : 37
Your Gender : Male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : I’m just your ordinary, nature loving, everyday, run of the mill city moffie.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 12 or 13
How old were you when you first told someone? : 15
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Yes I planned it.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I had the hots for him.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : It was a boys type pyjama party and we were alone in my parents’ poolhouse. We both had only our swimming trunks on. He could actually see ’something was up’ because the same was happening to him. I asked him if he think we will be going to hell if we…
How did you feel? : Scared, elated, full of anticipation…
What was the person’s reaction? : We were both young, we were both curious, we both were full of raging hormones, the next hour or so was a complete blur for both of us.
What did they say? : He got scared. He said if I told anyone about what we had done he’d deny it completely. BUT that he would never forget that evening and whatever happened, or wherever we land up, we will always be friends.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : The whole issue was ignored for several years afterwards and we remained ‘friends’ until our matric year.
What’s it like now? : We went our separate ways and now we have lost contact completely. Last I heard he had moved to Canada. Still single.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : Never had the misfortune that I know of.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Only from the christians lining the streets at Pride Marches.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Never having to lie to anyone about who and what you are.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : Being brought up as a christian by one’s parents also comes with all the baggage that the christians add to their daily lives. It took me years to get rid of all that christian baggage and I am a much much happier and completely free person today. Thanks to having discovered the Druid path. Talisien has this saying that all one needs to do is to take a long walk in a forest until you walk into yourself. I did that and didn’t really like who I walked into at the time. Luckily one always has choices. Its choosing when to make them that’s important and I did it. Now I am FREE!
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I remember being stuck in one when I was 3 or 4. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, and even though I shouted my lungs out, the cleaning lady only found me after about an hour. I thought I was dying. Very scary.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Do it as soon as possible. There is enough out people around to give you all the moral support you need. All you have to do is come back to this site and we’ll be here. From what I can see in the stories Taliesin posted already, from all over the world too.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I probably did it the wrong way but hey, at least it was memorable.