Name or Nick Name : Emily
Country or City you are from: : Johannesburg
Your Age : 29
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Woman, Feminist
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 15
How old were you when you first told someone? : 20
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I had a close friend at university who was a gay man, we were both in the process of coming out, he had come out to me previously and so I decided to tell him.
What made you choose that person to tell? : He was a close friend and we had talked in some detail about his process of coming out so I felt very safe coming out to him
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Not exactly but I seem to remember I talked round the issue a bit and then he asked if I thought I was a lesbian and I said yes.
How did you feel? : Relieved but also a bit scared because having verbalised the fact that I was a lesbian to someone else for the first time made it more real, I knew it was a step on a journey I had to take and that there would be many scary moments on that journey
What was the person’s reaction? : Very positive he was a good friend and gay himself
What did they say? : Nothing really, it wasnt necessary to say anything
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Good, though we eventually lost touch after graduation we remained good friends for the rest of our time at university
What’s it like now? : Sadly we lost touch
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : A lecturer at university once did
What happened? : She told a number of staff members that I was gay while having a drink with some colleagues. I didnt mind that much but felt it was principaly something she should not have done
What were peoples’ reactions? : Not much, one of the lecturers who was there told me, no one else mentioned it and I dont imagine it was to much of a suprise.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Not as such, at least not in my personal capacity but becuase of my work I am faced with homophobia a lot and through appearing on radio and tv shows etc I have to face a lot of homophobic sentiment.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : It means the freedom to just be and not have to worry all the time about people finding out, not having to sneak around, not having to always find ways to talk about people in gender neutral terms.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : A huge difference, in terms of society i come from a white, middle class background and in terms of family I have activists for parents both of these made coming out easier, not easy but easier.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Fear and shame, a dark, confined space that people stay in becuase of the bigoted prejudices of society as a whole.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : To do it at your own pace, you will know when is the right time to tell certain people. Tell people you identify as safe first so that you have some base of support.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : No I would do it all the same I think.