Danielle
Posted by ulla on Sunday, February 22, 2009
Under: Bisexual
Name or Nick Name : Danielle
Country or City you are from: : California, USA
Your Age : 20
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : empathetic, intelligent, and ridiculous
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 13
How old were you when you first told someone? : 14
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No, not at all
What made you choose that person to tell? : It sort of happened randomly
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes. I’m not sure which came first, but I told both my Mom and my sister. My sister was telling me about how she liked someone and I wondered who because she went to an all girls’ school (which I went to during middle school). She told me she liked her friend Erin and she asked me if I had similar feelings or if I liked someone and I said “Yes, Natalie.”
Then she stared at me and said, “For how long?”
“1 year.”
And that’s how I came out to my sister.
I came out to my Mom on a Friday night when she was sitting in my bed and we were talking about something, what I can’t remember, but this is how the conversation goes (D is me, M is my mom).
D: blah blah blah I like girls.
M: ok. Good night honey.
…The next morning…
M: (jumps on my bed) wake up honey!
D: (all groggy) uh….
M: (crawls into bed with me) You know what, I think I’m bisexual too.
D: (very awake) what?
And those are my two coming out experiences.
How did you feel? : I felt relieved that two of my family members had the same feelings I did so then when I came home I could continue my inner dialogue of questioning with them.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : My sister and I talked a lot about girls and mostly all we talked about was girls and tv shows with girls, books with girls. It was all about girls, which was sort of annoying, but at the same time cool.
With my Mom it was the same except for sometimes she would introduce a new theory about sexuality or say how my sexuality was a phase or how everyone was bisexual.
What’s it like now? : Its pretty much the same with my sister and with my Mom its pretty good. I have a girlfriend now so its a different kind of coming out. My parents met her so its really good in that sense.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I don’t think I have been?
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Assumptions that I am straight and assumptions that I’m a lesbian
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : I’m still thinking about this one, but I think it means feeling comfortable to talk about who I like, to express when I think someone is cute, to feel comfortable in my skin when I am around people and they ask if I have a boyfriend
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I’m Jewish so families stick together no matter what and I live in California one hour south of SF so…I mean…really? but it’s different when it’s in the family
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : It means feeling confined and like some part of your identity is invisible and thus doesn’t exist because it is not expressed in the dominant and therefore you do not exist, so announcing it would be coming out of the closet
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Read stories online, talk to other people who are glbtq (or go to a hotline), find a friend who knows the place you are in, go to the library (or go online), find a local glbtq group
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : Yes, definitely. The first time I came out to my family was not the only time. I’ve come out as a lesbian (though I’m not sure that really defines anything about my sexual behavior all the time) through facebook (which was a bad choice) and cried to my boss about stigma, so yes, I would change the ways I came out, but I never regret the ways I came out because I’m out in the end and I have good relationships with practically all of the people I am out to.
Country or City you are from: : California, USA
Your Age : 20
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : empathetic, intelligent, and ridiculous
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 13
How old were you when you first told someone? : 14
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No, not at all
What made you choose that person to tell? : It sort of happened randomly
Can you remember exactly what you said? : Yes. I’m not sure which came first, but I told both my Mom and my sister. My sister was telling me about how she liked someone and I wondered who because she went to an all girls’ school (which I went to during middle school). She told me she liked her friend Erin and she asked me if I had similar feelings or if I liked someone and I said “Yes, Natalie.”
Then she stared at me and said, “For how long?”
“1 year.”
And that’s how I came out to my sister.
I came out to my Mom on a Friday night when she was sitting in my bed and we were talking about something, what I can’t remember, but this is how the conversation goes (D is me, M is my mom).
D: blah blah blah I like girls.
M: ok. Good night honey.
…The next morning…
M: (jumps on my bed) wake up honey!
D: (all groggy) uh….
M: (crawls into bed with me) You know what, I think I’m bisexual too.
D: (very awake) what?
And those are my two coming out experiences.
How did you feel? : I felt relieved that two of my family members had the same feelings I did so then when I came home I could continue my inner dialogue of questioning with them.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : My sister and I talked a lot about girls and mostly all we talked about was girls and tv shows with girls, books with girls. It was all about girls, which was sort of annoying, but at the same time cool.
With my Mom it was the same except for sometimes she would introduce a new theory about sexuality or say how my sexuality was a phase or how everyone was bisexual.
What’s it like now? : Its pretty much the same with my sister and with my Mom its pretty good. I have a girlfriend now so its a different kind of coming out. My parents met her so its really good in that sense.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : I don’t think I have been?
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Assumptions that I am straight and assumptions that I’m a lesbian
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : I’m still thinking about this one, but I think it means feeling comfortable to talk about who I like, to express when I think someone is cute, to feel comfortable in my skin when I am around people and they ask if I have a boyfriend
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I’m Jewish so families stick together no matter what and I live in California one hour south of SF so…I mean…really? but it’s different when it’s in the family
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : It means feeling confined and like some part of your identity is invisible and thus doesn’t exist because it is not expressed in the dominant and therefore you do not exist, so announcing it would be coming out of the closet
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Read stories online, talk to other people who are glbtq (or go to a hotline), find a friend who knows the place you are in, go to the library (or go online), find a local glbtq group
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : Yes, definitely. The first time I came out to my family was not the only time. I’ve come out as a lesbian (though I’m not sure that really defines anything about my sexual behavior all the time) through facebook (which was a bad choice) and cried to my boss about stigma, so yes, I would change the ways I came out, but I never regret the ways I came out because I’m out in the end and I have good relationships with practically all of the people I am out to.
In : Bisexual
