Get Your Queer On!

These days I almost feel sorry for straight people as they still seem to feel the need to fit into a box and go through the motions of what society expects from them.

Country & city: Chesterfield, England
Name/nickname: Craig Redihough
Age: 27
Gender: M
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered)? Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? Anxious, Fiery, Loyal.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? 16
How old were you when you first told someone? 17
Did you plan it? If so, how? No, not planned at all.
What made you choose that person to tell? I was extremely upset at the time and needed someone to talk to as the person I had my first encounter with could not cope with the situation and told me to F**ck Off. I was madly in love with the guy, but he was ’straight’.
Can you remember exactly what you said? I was absolutely distraught and needed to confide in someone in the early hours of the morning after eveything had come to a head.
How did you feel? Heartbroken for the first time in my life and I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions. I was relieved to confide in someone, but at the same time worried as I had finally admitted it to myself let alone another person.
What was the person’s reaction? They were very understanding and not at all surprised. They knew the person involved quite well too so they were able to give a valid opinion.
What did they say? They told me not to worry and that it was not a problem for them. Their reaction was a great comfort to me at the time.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? We carried on as we always had and we discussed it at length afterwards. Sadly, I was still in denial and struck up another straight relationship. It took me many years afterwards to come out to everyone.
What’s it like now? I have lost touch with the person I first confided in, although I have her number still.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? N/A
What happened?
What were peoples’ reactions?
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. The only time I have experienced homophobia personally was at School long before I was actually aware that I was gay. Since I came out there has been nothing but positive reactions to my sexuality.
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution: N/A
Job: Loud and proud!
Family: Totally out, my partner is close to my family.
Friends: Again, loud and proud.
What does being out mean to you? It is the BEST thing I ever did. Changed my life completely and for the better. It means that I can be who I want to be without fear of having to try and conform to the macho culture that straight men have to adhere to. These days I almost feel sorry for straight people as they still seem to feel the need to fit into a box and go through the motions of what society expects from them. This more applies to straight men than women. Over the years I have noticed that more straight men talk to me about their feelings as they often say that they feel they cannot talk about such subjects to their straight mates for fear of mickey taking.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? I think the only difference would be that my Nana is a Catholic from Italy and as a result she initially struggled with the concept of having a gay grandchild. Her reaction was one more of disapointment and concern for my welfare that taking the view that I was a sinner. The irony is that my Nan is one of the biggest influences in my life and to me she represents camp glamour and everything you don’t expect from a grandparent. These days I am closer to her than ever and she gets on very well with my partner.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Someone who is either choosing to ignore their sexuality or does not yet fullly understand who they are. It takes time to make that acknowledgment and even longer to reach a point where you want to tell people. It is a life changing event, and one that you cannot really reverse.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? DO IT and sooner rather than later. It will feel like the weight of the world has been removed from your shoulders. Your only regret is that you didn’t do it sooner.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I would have done it much sooner. I would have taken the opportunity to just play the field and explore who I was.