Country & city: Boston, MA, US

Name/nickname: Cid/Oration on WordPress
Age: 20
Gender: Trans male
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)? Initially bisexual, later, transgendered and adjusting the original label to ‘queer.’
What other words would you use to describe yourself? Queer, kinky, poly transfag.
How old were you when you first realized your identity? Very young, on both counts, though I suppressed my gender identity far more than my sexual orientation. Numerically, probably ten or eleven– when suddenly my tomboyishness was no longer okay, and I quit soccer because they wanted me to play on the girls team.
How old were you when you first told someone? I came out as bisexual/queer at 14, trans at 19.
Did you plan it? If so, how? Yes - both ‘firsts’ made me stress all day, fidgeting and rearranging words.
What made you choose that person to tell? I felt like they were the ones who most needed to know.
To make this part a bit easier to read I’ve broken it down.. here’s the story of coming out as bisexual.
Can you remember exactly what you said? When I came out to my mother, her denial was immediate. My sister had been dating a woman for quite a while at the time, so I just told her that I liked girls, and not to hold her breath that I would end up with a man myself.
How did you feel? Confident as the words came out, but rapidly deflating as the color left her face. After the conversation was over, which was more like an argument anyway, I considered it a victory in the end, but later learned that it wasn’t over yet.
What was the person’s reaction? She screamed, she cried, and she made some nonsense about not having grandkids. Finally she settled down, but she settled into denial and the idea that ‘bisexual’ might just be a phase.
What did they say? Things like, “How could you do this to me?” and just a simple, “No, you’re not.”
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Strained, but it had been before coming out as well. She denied it, and though I came out another three times, she still refused to believe me because I had just broken from a relationship with a male. Finally, she walked in on me having sex with a girl - obviously not an ideal situation, but it got the job done. She still doesn’t like it, but at least we’re clear that it wasn’t a phase.
What’s it like now? More or less the same. Strained, though it’s due to many, many other factors.
And, on coming out trans: (This is a much happier story, I promise!)
Did you plan it? If so, how? Since my initial coming out story as told above wasn’t exactly ideal, I tried rehearsing it. Well, that didn’t work, and I ended up just throwing it out there one night.
What made you choose that person to tell? He is my live-in partner and my best friend. It was an obvious choice.
Can you remember exactly what you said? One night, lying in bed, lights out, minutes before falling asleep. “J, I’m going to transition.”
How did you feel? As I said it I was much less nervous than I had anticipated, and his reaction validated that.
What was the person’s reaction? He turned over, smiled, and cuddled closer.
What did they say? “I know. Goodnight. I love you.”
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Better than ever.
What’s it like now? Still amazing.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? Fortunately, it’s never happened to me.
What happened? n/a
What were peoples’ reactions? n/a
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. I haven’t experienced much blatant heterosexism, though there have been uncomfortable name-slinging incidents that I feared at the time might end up violent. Here, I generally I see it more institutionally than on an individual level.
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life: (Bi/Trans)
Educational institution: Yes/No
Job: Yes/No at one job, Yes at the other.
Family: Yes/To some
Friends: Yes/To some
What does being out mean to you? It allows me to Coitalk about myself and my interpersonal relationships without having to cautiously dance around words. It means that I put myself out as an advocate of gay/trans rights and that I acknowledge that whether or not I like it, I represent those communities.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? Not much. I’m still not sure where my mother’s bigotry stems from, but it’s not religious or cultural.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? It’s a tremendous weight, though I think it’s worth it. Now, I need to continue coming out and taking my own advice.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Honesty, and the freedom to speak honestly, is a great thing. Come out, face fears, but also be mindful of your personal safety.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I’d already be out to my parents. I’d call them up excitedly to tell them that my first appointment with a gender therapist is next week. I’d be able to share with them all of the most exciting things about my life.