Chelsea
Posted by ulla on Monday, February 23, 2009
Under: Bisexual
Name or Nick Name : Chelsea
Country or City you are from: : San Francisco
Your Age : 23
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? :
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : around 14
How old were you when you first told someone? : around 14
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Well, I made out with two of my female friends at the same time, so I guess you could call that a “hi, I’m into chicks” introduction.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I knew my friend was experimenting with other girls, and I knew I was interested in doing the same thing, so I told her.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : sadly no, but there was lots of kissing invloved!
How did you feel? : amazing, relieved, accepted, intrigued,
What was the person’s reaction? : she was pretty happy about it
What did they say? : she asked if I wanted to fool around
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : we remained friends through high school
What’s it like now? : our friendship? Well, we haven’t seen eachother in a long time, but we are in contact through myspace on occasion.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? :
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? :
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Not against me personally, but there is one thing that stands out in my mind very clearly… i was on a bus in San Francisco with two new friends who were from another state. They were talking about a movie called the crying game where the lead actress turns out to be a man, but her male lover stays with her anyway because he is so in love. The two guys I was with were saying things like, “Oh man, that’s so gross! How creepy!” I didn’t know what to say because we were on a packed bus in a very liberal city, and I was feeling pretty emabrassed at them speaking very loudly about this movie in a negative way. Then, I’ll never forget, a man stood up to exit the bus. As he wlked past me, he looked me in the eyes and said “my lover is trans-gender.” I was frozen with emabrassment, and all I could manage to say was, “good for you”, but what I meant to say was, I’m sorry I’m with these ignorant assholes who don’t realize that we’re on a public bus in San francisco where half the people here could be gay. I felt like a sleaze bag just for being associated with them, it was terrible.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being out to me means that you live your life the way you are, and you’re not afraid to let everyone know. That being said, I’m not all the way out with my family yet because I never really had to say anything. I am now married to a man, so I figured it was pointless to tell my parents that I’m bisexual. I do plan on telling them though, for my own peace of mind. It feels good to tell people the truth about who you are.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : Well, I come from a pretty liberal family, so when i told my sister she was totaly ok with it. I could tell she was a little thrown off because she wasn’t expecting me to say hey, I’m bisexual, but she was really understanding and accepting of it. I think the rest of my family would probably be the same way.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Being in the closet can mean so many things. You can be in the closet if you’re experimenting with your sexuality without telling anyone, you can be in the closet if you know and understand your sexual preference but don’t wish to tell anyone… it’s different for everyone I suppose. For me, it’s all about not wanting other people to see me differently, even if I know they are liberal people. Living with your iner most thoughts and feelings withought expressing them is being in the closet for me, which not a place I wish to be.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : I would do it when it feels right. If you are experimenting with your sexuality or gender, don’t feel pressure to go right out and tell everyone. If that’s what you feel is right at the time then tell whoever you want. Honestly though, you’ll know when it’s time. You’ll get a feeling that you just cant keep it in anymore, followed by a brief feeling of fear, but once you just say it you’ll feel so much more free.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I would have done it sooner. I would have come out a long time ago. It’s never too soon to be yourself if you feel the time is right.
Anything you want to add? : Yes, I want to ask everyone to visit the Matthew Shephard Foundation online and give a donation. October of this year marks the 10 year anniversary of Matthew’s death, and I think it’s important that we all reflect on our lives, and the choices we make every day. Matthew died because two hateful men decided they were going to beat up a “fag”, and to think there are still people in this world that believe hate crimes don’t exist. Please visit their web site to make a contribution, but t-shirts, wristbands, jewelry, or just read matthew’s story and pass it on. Knowledge is a strong power in erasing hate, so please pass it on to everyone you know.
Country or City you are from: : San Francisco
Your Age : 23
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Bi
What other words would you use to describe yourself? :
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : around 14
How old were you when you first told someone? : around 14
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Well, I made out with two of my female friends at the same time, so I guess you could call that a “hi, I’m into chicks” introduction.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I knew my friend was experimenting with other girls, and I knew I was interested in doing the same thing, so I told her.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : sadly no, but there was lots of kissing invloved!
How did you feel? : amazing, relieved, accepted, intrigued,
What was the person’s reaction? : she was pretty happy about it
What did they say? : she asked if I wanted to fool around
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : we remained friends through high school
What’s it like now? : our friendship? Well, we haven’t seen eachother in a long time, but we are in contact through myspace on occasion.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? :
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? :
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Not against me personally, but there is one thing that stands out in my mind very clearly… i was on a bus in San Francisco with two new friends who were from another state. They were talking about a movie called the crying game where the lead actress turns out to be a man, but her male lover stays with her anyway because he is so in love. The two guys I was with were saying things like, “Oh man, that’s so gross! How creepy!” I didn’t know what to say because we were on a packed bus in a very liberal city, and I was feeling pretty emabrassed at them speaking very loudly about this movie in a negative way. Then, I’ll never forget, a man stood up to exit the bus. As he wlked past me, he looked me in the eyes and said “my lover is trans-gender.” I was frozen with emabrassment, and all I could manage to say was, “good for you”, but what I meant to say was, I’m sorry I’m with these ignorant assholes who don’t realize that we’re on a public bus in San francisco where half the people here could be gay. I felt like a sleaze bag just for being associated with them, it was terrible.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being out to me means that you live your life the way you are, and you’re not afraid to let everyone know. That being said, I’m not all the way out with my family yet because I never really had to say anything. I am now married to a man, so I figured it was pointless to tell my parents that I’m bisexual. I do plan on telling them though, for my own peace of mind. It feels good to tell people the truth about who you are.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : Well, I come from a pretty liberal family, so when i told my sister she was totaly ok with it. I could tell she was a little thrown off because she wasn’t expecting me to say hey, I’m bisexual, but she was really understanding and accepting of it. I think the rest of my family would probably be the same way.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Being in the closet can mean so many things. You can be in the closet if you’re experimenting with your sexuality without telling anyone, you can be in the closet if you know and understand your sexual preference but don’t wish to tell anyone… it’s different for everyone I suppose. For me, it’s all about not wanting other people to see me differently, even if I know they are liberal people. Living with your iner most thoughts and feelings withought expressing them is being in the closet for me, which not a place I wish to be.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : I would do it when it feels right. If you are experimenting with your sexuality or gender, don’t feel pressure to go right out and tell everyone. If that’s what you feel is right at the time then tell whoever you want. Honestly though, you’ll know when it’s time. You’ll get a feeling that you just cant keep it in anymore, followed by a brief feeling of fear, but once you just say it you’ll feel so much more free.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I would have done it sooner. I would have come out a long time ago. It’s never too soon to be yourself if you feel the time is right.
Anything you want to add? : Yes, I want to ask everyone to visit the Matthew Shephard Foundation online and give a donation. October of this year marks the 10 year anniversary of Matthew’s death, and I think it’s important that we all reflect on our lives, and the choices we make every day. Matthew died because two hateful men decided they were going to beat up a “fag”, and to think there are still people in this world that believe hate crimes don’t exist. Please visit their web site to make a contribution, but t-shirts, wristbands, jewelry, or just read matthew’s story and pass it on. Knowledge is a strong power in erasing hate, so please pass it on to everyone you know.
In : Bisexual
