Country & city: Cape Town, South Africa

Name/nickname: Charl Marais (Charmd)

Age: 50 (soon)

Gender: Male

What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered)? First as Lesbian, but when I understood more I realized I was Transgendered and went into stealth mode.

How old were you when you first realized your identity? Very young

How old were you when you first told someone? Seventeen

Did you plan it? If so, how? No

What made you choose that person to tell? She was a Rape Crisis Counsellor

Can you remember exactly what you said? I think I’m crazy but I love women.

How did you feel? Embarrassed

What was the person’s reaction? She said she knew that

What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? Great

What’s it like now? Non-existent. She left the country some years ago and we lost touch

Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:

Job: In stealth but my boss knows. He has to; he’s family

Family: All know, but not all accept

Friends: Lost touch with friends who knew me before.

What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? I thought it was wrong according to the way I grew up – very religious etc.

What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Safety

What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Choose the time, place and audience well.

If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? Not really. I probably would not have outed myself to so many people before going stealth.