Name or Nick Name : Capncosmo
Country or City you are from: : USA
Your Age : 21
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : asexual
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Intelligent
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 20
How old were you when you first told someone? : 20
Did you plan it? If so, how? :
What made you choose that person to tell? : I just had to tell someone.  I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin keeping it to myself, and she’s my best friend, so I figured, if I had to tell someone, I could tell her.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : I tried to lead in with the evidence I had used to come to the conclusion I was asexual, so that by the time I used the word, she would know what I was talking about and how I reasoned it applied to me.
How did you feel? : I was nervous I was shaking before I told her (and this wasn’t even face to face!), and then afterwards, I felt so relieved I wanted to cry.
What was the person’s reaction? : Skepticism.
What did they say? : She said she thought I just hadn’t met the right person yet, but when we talked some more, she came to understand better.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? :
What’s it like now? :
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? :
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? :
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : It’s not homophobia, per se, but I have a lot of people who just won’t believe that I have no ulterior motives and read sexuality into my actions.  It’s like they’ve never heard of someone saying exactly what they mean before.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : On a personal level, being out means I can speak freely with people about the issues that face me as an asexual, ask questions and get their feedback, and not be expected to participate in sexual discussions.
More than that, though, what being out means is that I am a representative of asexuality, and my openness helps others to realize my sexuality exists.  It means that maybe people I meet won’t have to agonize like I did over whether or not they’re “broken” because they don’t want to have sex.  It means that I can actively participate in shaping this community that is still so new and trying to figure out what it wants to do with itself.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : The closet, to me, is guilt.  In one sense, that I feel guilty for not fitting in when I come out to people.  In the other, I feel guilty about “passing” and not speaking up and increasing visibility when I stay in.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : For anyone: Gather your courage and speak your honest feelings as clearly and succinctly as you can.  Get your point of view out there before they have a chance to cut in and argue.
For asexuals specifically: Emphasize parallels with other sexualities, and don’t get bogged down in things like masturbation or virginity, things that have nothing to do with your *orientation*.  You’re not sterile or celibate, so that stuff doesn’t matter.  Stay focused on sexual attraction/preference, and how yours is for no one.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I freaked out a lot the first time I told someone, and I wasn’t prepared, so I did a poor job.  I probably would take more time to get comfortable and think about what I was going to say before just jumping in if I had it to do again.
Anything you want to add? : Remember that just because the shape of your love is different, it doesn’t make it any less beautiful.