Name or Nick Name : Calum
Country or City you are from: : South Africa
Your Age : 24
Your Gender : Male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Driven, ambitious, go-getter,
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 14
How old were you when you first told someone? : 17
Did you plan it? If so, how? : No I didn’t plan it. I was bust with another boy at school……. quite traumatic, I phoned my sister and it all came out.
What made you choose that person to tell? : My sister is the person I trust the most. I knew she wouldn’t judge me and I also knew she would have the wisdom to help guide me through this emotional journey.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : She said, Its fine. i have gay mates and they are awesome. Being gay isn’t a burden.
How did you feel? : I felt a lot better of course, still lost and bewildered because now I really had to start dealing with the reality.
What was the person’s reaction? : She loved me for who I am.
What did they say? : She said she would put me in touch with a gay work colleague. He was very helpfull.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Even better. We have so much fun when we are together, she loves my partner to bits. There is nothing quite like building relationships on truth, it’s not easy at first but what you build is so much stronger.
What’s it like now? : So cool!
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? :
What happened? :
What were peoples’ reactions? :
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Yes. I used to be part of a christian grou[p before I came out. They did not react kindly to my decision to embrace my sexuality and allow it to become a beautiful part of me rather than try fight it.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : It means I can really start to build the story of my life. There is truth and deception and I believe that a life built on anything but truth is futile.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : I think that coming from a relatively liberal white background, coming out for me was easier than for others.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : It means that you havn’t yet allowed yourself the freedom to love openly and live openly and respect yourself.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Don’t rush it, if it takes a couple of years, thats fine. Deal with what you can. There is no rush. As you grow and learn more about yourself and the world around you, you will feel more comfortable expressing more of yourself. With that in mind, make an effort to have more contact with other gay people. Growth isn’t always a pleasant experience but the reward lies in reaching that state where you can feel secure and happy in who you really are and live out your desires and dreams without guilt or shame. That mind set exists, have faith, it’s there, all you need to do is allow yourself the freedom to work towards it.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : No.