Birdie
Posted by ulla on Sunday, February 22, 2009
Under: Queer
Name or Nick Name : Birdie
Country or City you are from: : USA
Your Age : 54
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Queer
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Came out as bi at 13 or so.
Came out as dyke at 52, and queer at 53.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 12
How old were you when you first told someone? : 13
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I was having sex with girls (but not boys) during 5 - 7th grades. We moved from the US to Iran when I was 13 and I got my 1st inkling that it wasn’t OK when I was rebuked by a Persian girl. I came out to my dad when I was 23.
What made you choose that person to tell? : When I told Shar at 13, I wanted to be her girlfriend.
When I came out to my dad at 23, I wanted to be honest with my parents.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : I tried to kiss Shar and said something about the girls back in the US.
I don’t remember what I told my dad….most likely that I had a girlfriend.
How did you feel? : Scared
What was the person’s reaction? : Shar slapped me.
My dad was prosaic.
What did they say? : Shar was horrified.
My dad told me to be careful because homosexuals were prone to alcoholism because they hung out in bars so much.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Shar and I remained best friends, although as adults, we drifted apart due to my “intensity”.
My dad disowned me twice, but it was not because of me being bi.
What’s it like now? : I came out as a dyke (then after becoming involved with a FTM, queer) a few years ago after identifying as bi for decades. Now that has been odd!!I never felt weird about being bi, but this change felt really, really disturbing although I knew that I was being true to myself.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My 16 year old daughter.
What happened? : She outed me to her teen Unitarian youth group during their meeting on the LGBT community.
What were peoples’ reactions? : I was asked to speak by the group leader, but was shunned by the other parents. It was a small Ohio town.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : I have experienced bi-phobia out the whazoo. Dating as bi in the lesbian community was a nightmare. As a queer woman seeing a FTM, I lost a MTF friend over the transphobia she displayed towards FTM folks and her questioning of my queer identity.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being free to speak of my friends and lover’s gender(s) when talking about love and lust.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : When Shar slapped me, it was definitely Persian culture speaking.
My dad is a liberal intellectual, which was reflected in his chilly, blase attitude.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Not free to speak of loved ones.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Pick the person well, plan ahead, eat a meal beforehand, get lots of sleep….everything I’d say to someone who is nervous about communication with someone on a touchy subject.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : no
Country or City you are from: : USA
Your Age : 54
Your Gender : female
What did you come out as? : Queer
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Came out as bi at 13 or so.
Came out as dyke at 52, and queer at 53.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 12
How old were you when you first told someone? : 13
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I was having sex with girls (but not boys) during 5 - 7th grades. We moved from the US to Iran when I was 13 and I got my 1st inkling that it wasn’t OK when I was rebuked by a Persian girl. I came out to my dad when I was 23.
What made you choose that person to tell? : When I told Shar at 13, I wanted to be her girlfriend.
When I came out to my dad at 23, I wanted to be honest with my parents.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : I tried to kiss Shar and said something about the girls back in the US.
I don’t remember what I told my dad….most likely that I had a girlfriend.
How did you feel? : Scared
What was the person’s reaction? : Shar slapped me.
My dad was prosaic.
What did they say? : Shar was horrified.
My dad told me to be careful because homosexuals were prone to alcoholism because they hung out in bars so much.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : Shar and I remained best friends, although as adults, we drifted apart due to my “intensity”.
My dad disowned me twice, but it was not because of me being bi.
What’s it like now? : I came out as a dyke (then after becoming involved with a FTM, queer) a few years ago after identifying as bi for decades. Now that has been odd!!I never felt weird about being bi, but this change felt really, really disturbing although I knew that I was being true to myself.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My 16 year old daughter.
What happened? : She outed me to her teen Unitarian youth group during their meeting on the LGBT community.
What were peoples’ reactions? : I was asked to speak by the group leader, but was shunned by the other parents. It was a small Ohio town.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : I have experienced bi-phobia out the whazoo. Dating as bi in the lesbian community was a nightmare. As a queer woman seeing a FTM, I lost a MTF friend over the transphobia she displayed towards FTM folks and her questioning of my queer identity.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being free to speak of my friends and lover’s gender(s) when talking about love and lust.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : When Shar slapped me, it was definitely Persian culture speaking.
My dad is a liberal intellectual, which was reflected in his chilly, blase attitude.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Not free to speak of loved ones.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Pick the person well, plan ahead, eat a meal beforehand, get lots of sleep….everything I’d say to someone who is nervous about communication with someone on a touchy subject.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : no
In : Queer
