arawn dryw eibhlyn
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009
Under: Gay
Name or Nick Name : arawn dryw eibhlyn
Country or City you are from: : United States
Your Age : 57 (58 on 2/21/09)
Your Gender : male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Fag, Freaking Fag, Revolutionary, Queer
I like all the "insulting" ones. Don't much like gay b/c it's so mainstream ... too Abercrombie & Fitch to describe me.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? :
How old were you when you first told someone? : In 1972 at age 21
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Yes. Although my foster parents only lived 18 miles away, I wrote them a letter. I knew they'd freak out. That was exactly what they did. When I didn't hear from them for a month, I called home.
Me: I was beginning to think you'd never call me.
Mother: We probably wouldn't.
From there, the rather brief conversation went downhill & we cut off all contact w/one another for three years. It was only when they found out I was moving 3,000 miles away that they broke down & contacted me. Our relationship never really rose above strained. They'd call person-to-person so they wouldn't have to speak to boyfriends. Would invite me home occasionally to visit but make clear lovers were not welcome.
My mom finally apologized on her deathbed in 2001.
What made you choose that person to tell? : Actually, I told absolutely everybody at the same time. When the dust settled, there wasn't a living soul in my life who didn't know. This was post-Stonewall (1969), & I was a member of GLF. And I was always a bit of a trouble-maker. Halfway measures never worked for me.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : It was a two-page typed single-spaced letter. I said a lot about how I was okay w/being gay. I was happy. I had a boyfriend. Hoped they'd see I was the same person I'd always been. Pretty standard stuff for the time.
How did you feel? : FREE, ALIVE, AUTHENTIC, HONEST
I respected myself for doing something so difficult & being true to who I was/am. As an adopted child, I always did what I thought they wanted me to do, b/c they could always send me back to an orphanage.
What was the person’s reaction? : Cold. Unfeeling. Distant
On the other hand, all of my friends were great,including the straight roommate I was in love with. He remains a close friend to this day.
What did they say? : see above
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : see above
What’s it like now? : Family is all dead. Friends are still friends.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : Never happened. I always made sure everyone knew. I controlled my identity, my body, my life.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being myself.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : Being adopted & living in the southern U.S. were real hindrances I had to overcome.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Shame. Dishonest. Self-deluded
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Just do it when it feels right for you. And don't let anyone ... ANYONE judge you or make you feel bad about yourself.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : Not really.
Country or City you are from: : United States
Your Age : 57 (58 on 2/21/09)
Your Gender : male
What did you come out as? : Gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : Fag, Freaking Fag, Revolutionary, Queer
I like all the "insulting" ones. Don't much like gay b/c it's so mainstream ... too Abercrombie & Fitch to describe me.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? :
How old were you when you first told someone? : In 1972 at age 21
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Yes. Although my foster parents only lived 18 miles away, I wrote them a letter. I knew they'd freak out. That was exactly what they did. When I didn't hear from them for a month, I called home.
Me: I was beginning to think you'd never call me.
Mother: We probably wouldn't.
From there, the rather brief conversation went downhill & we cut off all contact w/one another for three years. It was only when they found out I was moving 3,000 miles away that they broke down & contacted me. Our relationship never really rose above strained. They'd call person-to-person so they wouldn't have to speak to boyfriends. Would invite me home occasionally to visit but make clear lovers were not welcome.
My mom finally apologized on her deathbed in 2001.
What made you choose that person to tell? : Actually, I told absolutely everybody at the same time. When the dust settled, there wasn't a living soul in my life who didn't know. This was post-Stonewall (1969), & I was a member of GLF. And I was always a bit of a trouble-maker. Halfway measures never worked for me.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : It was a two-page typed single-spaced letter. I said a lot about how I was okay w/being gay. I was happy. I had a boyfriend. Hoped they'd see I was the same person I'd always been. Pretty standard stuff for the time.
How did you feel? : FREE, ALIVE, AUTHENTIC, HONEST
I respected myself for doing something so difficult & being true to who I was/am. As an adopted child, I always did what I thought they wanted me to do, b/c they could always send me back to an orphanage.
What was the person’s reaction? : Cold. Unfeeling. Distant
On the other hand, all of my friends were great,including the straight roommate I was in love with. He remains a close friend to this day.
What did they say? : see above
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : see above
What’s it like now? : Family is all dead. Friends are still friends.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : Never happened. I always made sure everyone knew. I controlled my identity, my body, my life.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : Being myself.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? : Being adopted & living in the southern U.S. were real hindrances I had to overcome.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Shame. Dishonest. Self-deluded
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Just do it when it feels right for you. And don't let anyone ... ANYONE judge you or make you feel bad about yourself.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : Not really.
In : Gay
