Alphafemme
Posted by ulla on Monday, February 23, 2009
Under: Queer
Name or Nick Name : Alphafemme
Country or City you are from: : San Francisco
Your Age : 22
Your Gender : cis-woman
What did you come out as? : Queer
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : dyke, homo, lesbian, gay
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 18
How old were you when you first told someone? : 18
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Nope, no plan. I had just started college so it just sorta became another thing people learned about me right off the bat. I didn’t “come out” to anyone from my prior life until I was 20 and in love with my (now ex) girlfriend. And that was very meditated, through a phonecall home to Mom.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I mean, Mom? She and I have always been fairly close, and I guess it just made sense to tell her. She could tell Dad and my siblings, but I wanted her to hear it out of my mouth.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : “So I’m dating someone new.”
“Oh really? Who?”
“Her name is Stella.”
“…”
“Mom? You there?”
“Alriiiiiiiight.”
How did you feel? : Before I told her, apprehensive. After I told her, frustrated (because her reaction left something to be desired) but also relieved. And PROUD of myself for telling her and coming out to the most important people in my life–my famiy. Because I was finally acknowledging it, it felt real for the first time.
What was the person’s reaction? : She was very dubious and immediately tried to warn me about all the hardships gay people have to endure. And she said, and I quote: “but I really wanted to have grandchildren!” Mom. Please.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : It continued mostly as normal. She continues to try too hard to prove that she accepts it–like she’ll send me newspaper clippings or links to gay websites or will tell me about gay people she meets. But mostly, it has become normalized for her and she’s moved on.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Walking down the street holding hands with a girl, I’ve had various slurs slung at me/us (”perverts!” “dykes!”) and I’ve been spit at. I’ve had close friends from childhood not want to touch me anymore and tell me to my face that they don’t support gay marriage. My dad has told me he doesn’t think he could love potential kids of mine if they weren’t biologically mine. And various subtle forms of oppression like total invisibility and being forced to be quiet about my identity in some places. Being forced to “pass” as straight.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : It means not having my sexual identity be a secret. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve sat down and TOLD people, but just that I feel totally comfortable if it comes up and interact with people regarding my identity as if I were straight, that is, as if it’s a total nonissue.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Fear. Insecurity. Invisibility. Shame. Guilt. Protection.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? :
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I would come out to MYSELF sooner. I had my first sexual dream about a girl when I was 12 and I was disconcerted, but forced it away. I fell in love with my first girl when I was 15, but again, I didn’t want to be gay–more than anything, I just wanted to be normal–so I pushed it away. If I could do it differently, I would have been more loving of myself at an earlier age.
Country or City you are from: : San Francisco
Your Age : 22
Your Gender : cis-woman
What did you come out as? : Queer
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : dyke, homo, lesbian, gay
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 18
How old were you when you first told someone? : 18
Did you plan it? If so, how? : Nope, no plan. I had just started college so it just sorta became another thing people learned about me right off the bat. I didn’t “come out” to anyone from my prior life until I was 20 and in love with my (now ex) girlfriend. And that was very meditated, through a phonecall home to Mom.
What made you choose that person to tell? : I mean, Mom? She and I have always been fairly close, and I guess it just made sense to tell her. She could tell Dad and my siblings, but I wanted her to hear it out of my mouth.
Can you remember exactly what you said? : “So I’m dating someone new.”
“Oh really? Who?”
“Her name is Stella.”
“…”
“Mom? You there?”
“Alriiiiiiiight.”
How did you feel? : Before I told her, apprehensive. After I told her, frustrated (because her reaction left something to be desired) but also relieved. And PROUD of myself for telling her and coming out to the most important people in my life–my famiy. Because I was finally acknowledging it, it felt real for the first time.
What was the person’s reaction? : She was very dubious and immediately tried to warn me about all the hardships gay people have to endure. And she said, and I quote: “but I really wanted to have grandchildren!” Mom. Please.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : It continued mostly as normal. She continues to try too hard to prove that she accepts it–like she’ll send me newspaper clippings or links to gay websites or will tell me about gay people she meets. But mostly, it has become normalized for her and she’s moved on.
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : Walking down the street holding hands with a girl, I’ve had various slurs slung at me/us (”perverts!” “dykes!”) and I’ve been spit at. I’ve had close friends from childhood not want to touch me anymore and tell me to my face that they don’t support gay marriage. My dad has told me he doesn’t think he could love potential kids of mine if they weren’t biologically mine. And various subtle forms of oppression like total invisibility and being forced to be quiet about my identity in some places. Being forced to “pass” as straight.
Since coming out how out are you at school? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : all_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : It means not having my sexual identity be a secret. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve sat down and TOLD people, but just that I feel totally comfortable if it comes up and interact with people regarding my identity as if I were straight, that is, as if it’s a total nonissue.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : Fear. Insecurity. Invisibility. Shame. Guilt. Protection.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? :
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I would come out to MYSELF sooner. I had my first sexual dream about a girl when I was 12 and I was disconcerted, but forced it away. I fell in love with my first girl when I was 15, but again, I didn’t want to be gay–more than anything, I just wanted to be normal–so I pushed it away. If I could do it differently, I would have been more loving of myself at an earlier age.
In : Queer
