AJ
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009
Under: Lesbian
Name or Nick Name : AJ
Country or City you are from: : USA
Your Age : 19
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : I would describe myself as femme; if you saw me and knew nothing about me, you probably wouldn’t know.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 12
How old were you when you first told someone? : 16
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I did not plan it at all! My best friend saw me absent-mindedly doodling my crushes name on my book cover.
What made you choose that person to tell? :
Can you remember exactly what you said? : She looked at me questioningly and all I could say was “Surprise!!”.
How did you feel? : I was petrified. I had NO idea how she would react.
What was the person’s reaction? : She was shocked and speechless.
What did they say? : A lot of, “No!” and “Really?”’s.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : It never changed. I was fortunate that our friendship was so close that my sexual orientation didn’t matter.
What’s it like now? : Just as close as ever. She is a big part in my life.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My band director… She saw my ex and I kiss and decided to tell my mother…
What happened? : She decided that she needed to “warn her so that she could stop the situation before it could progress.”
What were peoples’ reactions? : She absolutely freaked out. She didn’t talk to me for over a month. We are back on speaking terms now, but she likes to pretend the situation never happened…
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : I have had books knocked out of my hands, food thrown at me, my car keyed and have been called just about every name in the book…
Since coming out how out are you at school? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : It means being able to be me; the real me, all the time. It means that I can talk openly about my girlfriend and not be ashamed or concerned.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I know that it is a very scary and suffocating place to be. If you are “in the closet” that means that YOU know that you are gay/lesbian/bi/queer etc. but you are afraid to let anyone else know. And having that inside of you and having to keep up so many false pretenses is a very hard and painful thing to do.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Do it in small steps; don’t just scream it from the top of the Sears tower. Unless you have very understanding parents that you are sure will be alright with it, you should start with your close friends. If they are comfortable with it, or even if they are not, coming out to them will help you to know how to approach your other loved ones. It is best to do it yourself instead of letting someone do it before you can…
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I would have liked to be able to have sat my parents down and to have told them myself. Having someone else tell them and then being verbally attacked when I got home was NOT the way I wanted it to happen. Everyone involved felt hurt and attacked.
Anything you want to add? : Coming out is definitely a process. YOU have to accept yourself before you can expect anyone else to. Take your time, it is a lifelong journey.
Country or City you are from: : USA
Your Age : 19
Your Gender : Female
What did you come out as? : Lesbian
What other words would you use to describe yourself? : I would describe myself as femme; if you saw me and knew nothing about me, you probably wouldn’t know.
How old were you when you first realised your identity? : 12
How old were you when you first told someone? : 16
Did you plan it? If so, how? : I did not plan it at all! My best friend saw me absent-mindedly doodling my crushes name on my book cover.
What made you choose that person to tell? :
Can you remember exactly what you said? : She looked at me questioningly and all I could say was “Surprise!!”.
How did you feel? : I was petrified. I had NO idea how she would react.
What was the person’s reaction? : She was shocked and speechless.
What did they say? : A lot of, “No!” and “Really?”’s.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? : It never changed. I was fortunate that our friendship was so close that my sexual orientation didn’t matter.
What’s it like now? : Just as close as ever. She is a big part in my life.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? : My band director… She saw my ex and I kiss and decided to tell my mother…
What happened? : She decided that she needed to “warn her so that she could stop the situation before it could progress.”
What were peoples’ reactions? : She absolutely freaked out. She didn’t talk to me for over a month. We are back on speaking terms now, but she likes to pretend the situation never happened…
If you’ve experienced homophobia etc, please give an example. : I have had books knocked out of my hands, food thrown at me, my car keyed and have been called just about every name in the book…
Since coming out how out are you at school? : only_friends
Since coming out, how “out” are you at work? : not_applicable
Since coming out, how “out” are you with family? : partly_out
Since coming out, how “out” are you with your friends? : all_out
What does being out mean to you? : It means being able to be me; the real me, all the time. It means that I can talk openly about my girlfriend and not be ashamed or concerned.
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? :
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? : I know that it is a very scary and suffocating place to be. If you are “in the closet” that means that YOU know that you are gay/lesbian/bi/queer etc. but you are afraid to let anyone else know. And having that inside of you and having to keep up so many false pretenses is a very hard and painful thing to do.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? : Do it in small steps; don’t just scream it from the top of the Sears tower. Unless you have very understanding parents that you are sure will be alright with it, you should start with your close friends. If they are comfortable with it, or even if they are not, coming out to them will help you to know how to approach your other loved ones. It is best to do it yourself instead of letting someone do it before you can…
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? : I would have liked to be able to have sat my parents down and to have told them myself. Having someone else tell them and then being verbally attacked when I got home was NOT the way I wanted it to happen. Everyone involved felt hurt and attacked.
Anything you want to add? : Coming out is definitely a process. YOU have to accept yourself before you can expect anyone else to. Take your time, it is a lifelong journey.
In : Lesbian
