A few South African perspectives on coming out to the kids
Posted by ulla on Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Under: Coming out to the kids
I asked members of a local forum to tell me what it was like to come out to their kids. If anyone out (or even not out) there wants to comment or share stuff, please feel free; you can either use the comment thingy under each post or you can use to contact form. Anonymity guaranteed if that is what you need. I have some more of these stories on the way too - plus, as ever, please consider doing the general far-too-linear coming out interview as well - add anything you like to it and ignore anything you don't like.
This is all I got from the forum so far:
I had a gf with kids once. We spoke openly to them, they had no issues. Until the eldest went to primary school. That's when he started saying stuff like 'girls shouldn't kiss' etc. That came from older kids, and made his life, and ours, difficult.
i dont have kids, but i think the whole coming out, even though i suppose necessary, if you do it from when they young, i dont see why you have to explain it, until maybe when they go to school, and then you just explain diversity in people.... and minority and majority groups, maybe thats too complicated, but ja, why does one even have to say anything ideally..? Unless its some sorta shift that needs explaning... ( guess im thinking about my kids to come so its a very one dimensional response)
coming out was brutal and very nearly destroyed them, and me. I was asked to move out the house and 'give the children some space'. I could only see them once a month for nearly a year, which ripped me apart. As my partner knew it would. The childrens schoolwork and discipline went to hell, they didn't understand what was going on, any more than I did, At least I had the advantage of knowing why i was changing. My boys were 11 and 13, on the threshold of manhood, and I left them. It's a guilt I haven't quite worked out yet, and three years of their lives I'll never get back. We're closer know, but that trust has been damaged, and I think it will take many years before they trust me completely again. And because of that, there's a sadness in me at me by me that will never really go away...
And a little lesbo humour from my mate Skwirrel:
When I came out to Gizmo (see photo above), all he said was... as long as your sexual orientation doesn't interfere with feeding times, who gives a fcuk?
Another forum member, TigerEyes, shared her story here a while back.
As always, I am incredibly grateful to everyone who shares anything here - it's brave and generous of you and I can tell you from the comments and emails I've got from this project in various ways, that you've helped other people and comforted them and given them things to identify with and lessened some loneliness too.
This is all I got from the forum so far:
I had a gf with kids once. We spoke openly to them, they had no issues. Until the eldest went to primary school. That's when he started saying stuff like 'girls shouldn't kiss' etc. That came from older kids, and made his life, and ours, difficult.
i dont have kids, but i think the whole coming out, even though i suppose necessary, if you do it from when they young, i dont see why you have to explain it, until maybe when they go to school, and then you just explain diversity in people.... and minority and majority groups, maybe thats too complicated, but ja, why does one even have to say anything ideally..? Unless its some sorta shift that needs explaning... ( guess im thinking about my kids to come so its a very one dimensional response)
coming out was brutal and very nearly destroyed them, and me. I was asked to move out the house and 'give the children some space'. I could only see them once a month for nearly a year, which ripped me apart. As my partner knew it would. The childrens schoolwork and discipline went to hell, they didn't understand what was going on, any more than I did, At least I had the advantage of knowing why i was changing. My boys were 11 and 13, on the threshold of manhood, and I left them. It's a guilt I haven't quite worked out yet, and three years of their lives I'll never get back. We're closer know, but that trust has been damaged, and I think it will take many years before they trust me completely again. And because of that, there's a sadness in me at me by me that will never really go away...
And a little lesbo humour from my mate Skwirrel:
When I came out to Gizmo (see photo above), all he said was... as long as your sexual orientation doesn't interfere with feeding times, who gives a fcuk?
Another forum member, TigerEyes, shared her story here a while back.
As always, I am incredibly grateful to everyone who shares anything here - it's brave and generous of you and I can tell you from the comments and emails I've got from this project in various ways, that you've helped other people and comforted them and given them things to identify with and lessened some loneliness too.
Tags: "south africa" kids children cat lesbian gay queer
