A Brown Girl
Posted by ulla on Monday, February 23, 2009
Under: Gay
Country & city: USA, Atlanta, GA
Name/nickname: A Brown Girl
Age: 30
Gender: Female
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)? gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? quirky, queer
How old were you when you first realized your identity? I don’t think I truly realized it until I was 24, about 6 months after I moved to Atlanta. I swear this city turns every curious woman gay! In retrospect, I had gay tendencies as early as 8. I grew up in a small town where the word “gay” didn’t exist. I often wonder if I lived in a more progressive area, if I would’ve figured it out earlier.
How old were you when you first told someone? 24
Did you plan it? If so, how? I just picked up the phone and called. I told my former fiancé first. It was after my first sexual experience with a woman.
What made you choose that person to tell? I knew he wouldn’t judge me. At the time, he was living in another state and was considering a move so we could get back together.
Can you remember exactly what you said? Nope, my memory is bad.
How did you feel? Dangerous.
What was the person’s reaction? He was thrilled. A little too thrilled which I believe is normal behavior for the typical hetero man.
What did they say? “What does she look like?” He wanted fuel for his fantasies.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? We remained friends, though distant. He thought this was going to be a one time thing and something he could participate in.
What’s it like now? Non-existent, but unrelated to my sexuality.
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution:
Job: Luckily, all of my employers have been very gay friendly. They’ve even had domestic partner benefits!
Family: I have a very tense relationship with my mother and grandmother. My mom didn’t want me to tell anyone. She told me it would kill my grandparents. A lot of my family guessed because I started bringing girls home for the holidays, lol. When my relationship with my mother was at it’s most tense, I sent books to her on how to accept her gay child. Did I mention she lives with my grandmother? I know the books arrived, but I doubt they were ever even opened. I wish I could get my money back.
Friends: My closest friends are all straight! They are a little queer though. They often get mistaken for gay…
What does being out mean to you? Freedom
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? Of course! Being gay isn’t something black people do. That’s a white folk thing, like going to therapy and sun tanning.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Confusion. Fear. Loneliness.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Wait until they are ready to handle the backlash. I think, teenagers who come out are so strong! They are in a position where they rely on their parents for everything. To put that at risk is admirable. It takes strength though. I wouldn’t come out until I felt comfortable with saying it to myself.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I would’ve kept it to myself longer. I think by telling an ex, it made it feel more like an epilogue to a porn instead of a life changing event.
Name/nickname: A Brown Girl
Age: 30
Gender: Female
What did you come out as (gay, bi, transgendered, use any terms you like here)? gay
What other words would you use to describe yourself? quirky, queer
How old were you when you first realized your identity? I don’t think I truly realized it until I was 24, about 6 months after I moved to Atlanta. I swear this city turns every curious woman gay! In retrospect, I had gay tendencies as early as 8. I grew up in a small town where the word “gay” didn’t exist. I often wonder if I lived in a more progressive area, if I would’ve figured it out earlier.
How old were you when you first told someone? 24
Did you plan it? If so, how? I just picked up the phone and called. I told my former fiancé first. It was after my first sexual experience with a woman.
What made you choose that person to tell? I knew he wouldn’t judge me. At the time, he was living in another state and was considering a move so we could get back together.
Can you remember exactly what you said? Nope, my memory is bad.
How did you feel? Dangerous.
What was the person’s reaction? He was thrilled. A little too thrilled which I believe is normal behavior for the typical hetero man.
What did they say? “What does she look like?” He wanted fuel for his fantasies.
What was your relationship with the person like afterwards? We remained friends, though distant. He thought this was going to be a one time thing and something he could participate in.
What’s it like now? Non-existent, but unrelated to my sexuality.
Since coming out, how “out” are you in the following areas of your life:
Educational institution:
Job: Luckily, all of my employers have been very gay friendly. They’ve even had domestic partner benefits!
Family: I have a very tense relationship with my mother and grandmother. My mom didn’t want me to tell anyone. She told me it would kill my grandparents. A lot of my family guessed because I started bringing girls home for the holidays, lol. When my relationship with my mother was at it’s most tense, I sent books to her on how to accept her gay child. Did I mention she lives with my grandmother? I know the books arrived, but I doubt they were ever even opened. I wish I could get my money back.
Friends: My closest friends are all straight! They are a little queer though. They often get mistaken for gay…
What does being out mean to you? Freedom
What differences, if any, did your cultural background make to your experience of coming out? Of course! Being gay isn’t something black people do. That’s a white folk thing, like going to therapy and sun tanning.
What does the concept of the closet mean to you? Confusion. Fear. Loneliness.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Wait until they are ready to handle the backlash. I think, teenagers who come out are so strong! They are in a position where they rely on their parents for everything. To put that at risk is admirable. It takes strength though. I wouldn’t come out until I felt comfortable with saying it to myself.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I would’ve kept it to myself longer. I think by telling an ex, it made it feel more like an epilogue to a porn instead of a life changing event.
In : Gay
