I bet I am the last lesbian on earth to work this one out; butches wear cargo pants and other clothes with completely extraneous pockets, because femmes don't like to take their handbags into nightclubs and we end up carrying stuff for them. A few times wearing jeans with the standard five pockets and you start missing your cargo pants, because wearing anything else, by the end of the night you end up resembling one of those, "Is that two wallets, car keys, lipstick, tissues and a coupla cellphones in your pants, or are you just really, really pleased to see me?" jokes.
They can't/won't/don't carry stuff, because they're wearing women's clothing - humanity's most impractical invention to date.
Yes, I realise that I am stereotyping horribly once again, but it's true! Within the butch/femme dynamic anyway. OK there are advantages - if she really pisses you off badly, you're in an excellent position to steal her car, phone and money. The lipstick can be used to scrawl her phone number on toilet walls. If things are going well, you can get her to retrieve her own posessions and enjoy the ensuing frisking. Fear not, cargo pants do not prevent this - in fact, the more pockets she has to go through, the longer and more thoroughly you get frisked. Win!
In the interests of fairness, the femme handbag can be utilised in other situations - those times when you're hanging around in malls and so forth. The only problem there is that you may find yourself standing shuffling your feet, trying to find a way to hold on to said handbag while she looks at clothes, without looking like a complete idiot. Is it just me, or does anyone else secretly kind of enjoy that? Not the actual holding of the handbag, but just that little symbol of trust and closeness. Of course, you have to face the fear of delving into a woman's bag to get your stuff back, or wait while she spends four thousand years looking for it. Handbags are really portals to other worlds - things go into them, but you can never be sure they'll reappear.
Are butches still clipping their cellphones to their waistbands, by the way? Stop it. Now. That's why we've got all those pockets dammit. And while I'm in your pockets, another directive; cargo pants = cool, photographer's waistcoats = so deeply uncool they should be punishable by death. Thank you.
(Hello, my name is Ulla and I am a butch chauvinist pig).
