I took that photo in East London the other day, sniggering.  I wondered which headline would scare South African lesbians most; swine flu or being haunted by girlfriends?  On the whole, I think I'd rather have the swine flu, thank you.  That said, most of my excess of exes seem to be delightfully benign these days and I am certainly not stalking any old flames myself, so perhaps I am immune, for now at least. 

Why is it that great friendships are so very simple and comfortable, but girlfriends; past, present and future, can be so incredibly complicated?  I suppose the most obvious difference between the two relationships is sex, but surely it can't only be that?  Granted, sex can be an issue - unreliable libido or sexual dysfunction or that old lesbo stereotype warhorse, Lesbian Bed Death.  All of those things and more can complicate stuff to a horrendous degree and cause bitter fights and acrimonious breakups.  Infidelity too, is another big scary monster.

My theory, however, is that even bigger and scarier than problems related to sex, is Expectations!  Think about it - what do you expect from your best mate?  An ear, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, company, understanding.  Lunch, sometimes.  Somehow those things can be given and taken freely within a good, strong friendship.  The thing is, like other people's kids and library books, they get returned at the end of the session and life goes on.  Lesbians, however, tend on the whole to have that "urge to merge" and a deep desire to mate for life.  If you live together, apart from work, you're always there.  There is no respite and maybe little irritations loom large as a result.

Then there's the menstrual cycle.  Even if the two of you have synchronised yours neatly and thus minimised the period (haha) of time affected, you're still left with a good few days out of your month, when one or both of you are in danger of going supernova and screeching and weeping for no apparent reason.  I know couples who just don't talk much while they're experiencing PMS, because if they talk, they argue.

I used to wonder if heterosexuals had it easier, because they could write off certain behaviour as, "Oh well, it's a male/female thing, I'll just ignore it till the storm subsides," but looking at the divorce rate, I'm not so sure anymore.  Maybe hearts are just complex and mysterious things and the pain we feel is purely payment for the absolutely euphoric rush that we get when we love.

Words+photo=Ulla+Kelly