Posted by ulla on Friday, January 1, 2010,
In :
queer
 2010 has just emerged, foetus-like from the bloody hips of 2009 and surely South Africa is thinking about things beyond soccer? And us queers, where are we? Well, I'm guessing most of us are still in closets. Iconic lesbian website After Ellen's round up of lesbians who came out in 2009 includes a whole one South African i.e. Melanie Lowe. Whether or not you like her music, if you're one of those fabled and privileged queers with plenty of disposable income, please go buy at least one of ...
Posted by ulla on Friday, December 18, 2009,
In :
dykestyle
 “Madonna, Lover, and Son” by Becki Jayne Harrelson, 1996. Oil on canvas, 80 x 68 inches. www.beckijayne.comSo, besides yelling, "Ho, ho, ho!" at your exes, what are you doing to dyke the halls and have yourself a lesbo little Christmas? If you're lucky, you have some form of well-adjusted family and can integrate into the general Christmas spirit without feeling the need to make it too queer - it's not always that way though, is it? For some, Christmas ends up being one of those times w...
Posted by ulla on Wednesday, October 28, 2009,
In :
queer
For the first and possibly last time in my life, I bought a copy of Rooi Rose (for any non South African readers, it’s an Afrikaans women’s magazine and although it’s come a long way since apartheid days, it’s still one of those magazines that one thinks of as safely mainstream i.e. hardly relevant to me, as part of the LGBTQI spectrum). I bought it for the story about Robert Hamblin, the artist formerly known as Adele Hamblin; photographer extraordinaire.
Robert’s physical transiti... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Sunday, October 25, 2009,
In :
stereotypes
 Both in and out of the lesbian community, butch lesbians take the most flak. We're the most easily identified of the species and so right from the get go, we're on the firing line. We are also constantly accused of "wanting to be men." Now that's complete nonsense right from the start, because a woman who wants to be a man is called transgendered and within that, may be any sexuality on the spectrum. If you're going to insist upon adhering to society's expectations and definitions, then y... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Sunday, October 18, 2009,
In :
queer
 There are people in my life and on the periphery of it, who will never ever truly accept me, because I am queer. Sure, some people have altered their thinking enough to embrace me without saying, "If only ..." but at least one close family member, some friends and a whole bunch more acquaintances do their best not to be homophobic, but are nonetheless. It's probably painful on both sides and I have grown past that youthful fervour that is convinced that some form of universal justice will p...
Posted by ulla on Wednesday, October 7, 2009,
In :
queer
 So I went to Joburg Pride this year - yay me! Is there anything better than thousands of queers all together? Alright, that probably sounds a bit separatist, but hey, it's really nice not to be outnumbered for once. The sun was out and so were we - most of the boys looking fabulous and most of us lesbians looking ... well, wearing jeans and t-shirts really; myself included. I contemplated a pink grim reaper outfit, but just didn't get it together. Anyway, my girlfriend I scored QueerLife...
Posted by ulla on Monday, September 14, 2009,
In :
stereotypes
Yet another idiotic headline by South Africa's Daily Sun newspaper - and since their idiotic website is under idiotic construction, I couldn't find out anything about the story. And nope, I couldn't buy the newspaper, it was late on Sunday, driving through a rural bit of the Eastern Cape.
Given my country's history of apartheid and that old madam and maid concept, I would, in fact, be interested to know the story - but not from a snotrag tabloid's point of view. I also question the word us...
Posted by ulla on Friday, September 11, 2009,
In :
queer
Driving through the city the other day, one of the newspaper headline posters yelled, "TV'S GAY KISS!" from the side of the road. My rantometer just blew up instantly. It's not as if it was the first such headline, it certainly won't be the last. Every time there's a gay kiss on TV (here and in the UK, at least), the media has a field day.
Why?
Gay marriage is legal now. And surely it isn't news that queers kiss? Well obviously it is. For all the irritating heterosexuals who go around pon... Continue reading ...
 "I hate the term commitment rings," she said - and I pondered it a bit. If it isn't an engagement ring, or a wedding ring, but it is a symbol of love and commitment, what else is one supposed to call it? Then of course, there is our communal queer history of concepts like engagement and marriage representing things we were not allowed to do by law. And so what we could do, was commit verbally, in front of our friends, any family who hadn't disowned us and our cats. We could get Wiccan and c...
Posted by ulla on Tuesday, July 7, 2009,
In :
dykestyle
 I get called sir by cabin crew and petrol pump attendants and business contacts and, well just lots of people. It happens to me face to face and on the phone too. As a young kid I was mistaken for a boy a few times and was highly delighted - my Famous Five hero was always George. I'm sure I've said it before, but there was one memorable time when I was 23 and a guy shook my hand and congratulated me on being brave enough and man enough to wear a skirt. I've never been particularly uncomfo... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Sunday, June 28, 2009,
In :
queer
 Partner. Is it just me, or did that word once signify a subtle way of not specifying the gender of one's lover? And didn't more queer than straight people use it, or have I been fooling myself? In my often muddled mind, when I lived in the United Kingdom in the nineties, "partner" was a useful signal that you were in fact talking to a queer person, because straight people just said girlfriend or boyfriend without fear of being discriminated against for it and of course, in those days, only...
Posted by ulla on Monday, June 8, 2009,
In :
stereotypes
 I referred to someone idly as a dyke the other day and she said, "I'm no dyke!" although her Facebook profile intimated that she was into women. I looked at a photo, saw long hair and light dawned. "Oh HO!" quoth I to myself, "She is one of many lesbians who think that dyke equates to butch." So I returned to the relevant chat window and said, "Dyke doesn't equal butch these days, we've reclaimed it from being a derogatory term applied by homophobes and have made it into a good, strong wor...
Posted by ulla on Wednesday, June 3, 2009,
In :
queer
I love photographing drag kings and queens - my only complaint is that there aren't nearly enough drag kings in South Africa. If I had the (ho ho) bollocks to perform, I'd start doing it myself. Anyway, while photographing a gay beauty pageant and cabaret in East London the other night, I thought about the last time I photographed lots of drag queens - which was Johannesburg Pride 2008. It gave me a lot of great photographs and some new Facebook friends ... there was one particularly nasty... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Sunday, May 17, 2009,
In :
queer
 I was sitting on the beach yesterday talking to one of my favourite straight women about sexuality. We both agreed that things would be better if everybody on earth thought they were bisexual and then just did whatever and whoever they wanted from that point. She was astonished when I told her how prejudiced the gay (not queer!) community is towards bisexuals. Now, I don't conside myself bisexual at all. I tried a few times, to have sex with men who I loved so much that really, all that w...
Posted by ulla on Monday, April 6, 2009,
In :
queer
 Arcadia is an industrial suburb of East London, in the Eastern Cape - a "city" which is pretty much ignored by the world and certainly by the gay media, because it's little and rather faded around the edges and entirely lacking in glamour. All of those things are also what make it an incredibly cool place to be.
If you came to visit, I'd take you to Club Eden; down a dark back street (that euphemism may even appeal to some) and only very gently signposted and through the bars of its security ...
Posted by ulla on Wednesday, March 18, 2009,
In :
queer
It's very freaking disheartening that people seem so incapable of changing their minds at times. I was watching The Ellen Show - an episode which was made before the USA elections (it must have travelled Africa overland) and the gorgeous Ellen Degeneres was talking to John McCain about gay marriage being overturned in California. In his usual smooth way, he referred, more than once, to their "respectful disagreement" about gay marriage, because "I believe marriage to be a unique institution... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Tuesday, March 3, 2009,
In :
queer
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009,
In :
elderdyke
(orig. published by QueerLife)
Years ago, when I wrote another column for another website, I used to
bleat often, “Where are the elderdykes?” At that stage I was about 30
and didn’t know any lesbians much over 45. All my whining got two
responses and I had a drink with a really cool fifty something in Cape
Town, and got lectured by a lovely sixty something in KZN, about the
responsibility of us young dykes towards their elders. Well, I couldn’t
agree more. In fact, I think we all have... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009,
In :
queer
(Orig. published by QueerLife)
LGBTQI. I’ve seen the acronym ordered differently, but bear with me,
I’m something of a dinosaur and never even got used to LGBT or whatever
it used to be. I’m one of those fuckwits who thinks ‘bacon, lettuce,
tomato’ every single time.
Lesbian
Gay
Bisexual
Transgender
Queer
Intersex
What about asexual. pansexual. polysexual, pomosexual? LGBTQIAPPP! Who
else did I miss out? And if we’re mixing sexualities and genders into
the acronym, there are even... Continue reading ...
If you live in a major city, it's easy – there'll be gay nightclubs and
activity clubs and hangouts and stuff to do. You've got to keep your
eye on it though, apart from a few landmarks, things change a lot.
There's always a lot of conjecture about why and you can join in
online.
What if you live in Smallville? People obviously go to their nearest
major city if there's one around, or they get on with life and make the
occasional weekend foray to somewhere far, where they probably drink
to... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Friday, February 27, 2009,
In :
stereotypes
By Ulla Kelly
Yup, this week I'm tackling a little stereotype – as well as an
often-made fatuous remark. I need to tell you that lesbians are not
fake men, do not wish they were really men and don't want to sleep with
men. Sorry guys. Help yourself to all that fake-lesbo porn; you know,
the airbrushed stuff full of blonde bimboid cheerleader types pouting
profusely and faking ecstasy for money. Hold on to your fantasy
lesbians, but please don't try to convert any real ones. Lesbians, my
dea... Continue reading ...
There was an influx of lesbians into the village of which I am the only (out) gay this weekend. Three (three!) of us sat and talked rubbish for a while and then one of us needed to get some work done and the other two went to the beach. Here endeth the 'scene' update for my section of the Doos Kaap. When lesbian no2 arrived (henceforth to be referred to as "The Femme") I stuck out a dykely hand and said, "Hi, I'm the official lesbian," and she shook my hand and said she was the official visi...
Alright, so you've caught your lesbian. Now what are you going to do with her? If I know dykes, the first date might very well be a negotiation of romance followed by sex followed by discussion of childhood traumas, all preparatory to that tired old joke about moving in together on the second date. Try not to sleep with her on the first date - unless you really want to.
By the time you've got to know her online you've probably been doing some fairly heavy duty seduction - as delicious as th... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Monday, February 23, 2009,
In :
g33kdykes
When cellphones hit the country, the streets were littered with dykes with 5110's clipped to their belts in little black pouches. Dykes (and I am generalising wildly) like gadgets. Dykes usually know how to connect things and quite often fix things too. Some dykes like power tools, some (like me) are absolute whores for any new, sleek hi-tech toy on the market. And I'll say it now, because I know you're waiting for it, that means sex toys too. A quick look at any good woman's sex toy website ... Continue reading ...
| All over the internet ... like Marmite. Only tastier.
iDyke
| Ulla Kelly |
| Eastern Cape, South Africa |
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Weekly columnist for Q back when it was owned by the Mail & Guardian, regular columnist for Queerlife in 2008, as well as contributing to MambaGirl, Cherrygrrl, Gayspeak and other websites, I decided it was about time I collected it all in one place, so I can see what I've done and hopefully keep doing new stuff.
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