“the milk and sugar are over there sir,” says the woman in the coffee shop.
“can you pull your car forward please mama?” says the guy at the petrol station.

(“mama” isn’t just saying that my gender’s been read as female, it’s also saying i’m old enough to be a mother)

those two interactions took place within minutes of each other and i responded the same to both i.e. i didn’t contribute anything gender-related at all. there were times in my twenties, when if a guy ...

For the first and possibly last time in my life, I bought a copy of Rooi Rose (for any non South African readers, it’s an Afrikaans women’s magazine and although it’s come a long way since apartheid days, it’s still one of those magazines that one thinks of as safely mainstream i.e. hardly relevant to me, as part of the LGBTQI spectrum).  I bought it for the story about Robert Hamblin, the artist formerly known as Adele Hamblin; photographer extraordinaire.

Robert’s physical transiti...

So I went to Joburg Pride this year - yay me!  Is there anything better than thousands of queers all together?  Alright, that probably sounds a bit separatist, but hey, it's really nice not to be outnumbered for once.  The sun was out and so were we - most of the boys looking fabulous and most of us lesbians looking ... well, wearing jeans and t-shirts really; myself included.  I contemplated a pink grim reaper outfit, but just didn't get it together.  Anyway, my girlfriend I scored QueerLife...

I get called sir by cabin crew and petrol pump attendants and business contacts and, well just lots of people.  It happens to me face to face and on the phone too.  As a young kid I was mistaken for a boy a few times and was highly delighted - my Famous Five hero was always George.  I'm sure I've said it before, but there was one memorable time when I was 23 and a guy shook my hand and congratulated me on being brave enough and man enough to wear a skirt.  I've never been particularly uncomfo...

Partner.  Is it just me, or did that word once signify a subtle way of not specifying the gender of one's lover?  And didn't more queer than straight people use it, or have I been fooling myself?  In my often muddled mind, when I lived in the United Kingdom in the nineties, "partner" was a useful signal that you were in fact talking to a queer person, because straight people just said girlfriend or boyfriend without fear of being discriminated against for it and of course, in those days, only...

I referred to someone idly as a dyke the other day and she said, "I'm no dyke!" although her Facebook profile intimated that she was into women.  I looked at a photo, saw long hair and light dawned.  "Oh HO!" quoth I to myself, "She is one of many lesbians who think that dyke equates to butch."  So I returned to the relevant chat window and said, "Dyke doesn't equal butch these days, we've reclaimed it from being a derogatory term applied by homophobes and have made it into a good, strong wor...