Posted by ulla on Wednesday, October 28, 2009,
In :
queer
For the first and possibly last time in my life, I bought a copy of Rooi Rose (for any non South African readers, it’s an Afrikaans women’s magazine and although it’s come a long way since apartheid days, it’s still one of those magazines that one thinks of as safely mainstream i.e. hardly relevant to me, as part of the LGBTQI spectrum). I bought it for the story about Robert Hamblin, the artist formerly known as Adele Hamblin; photographer extraordinaire.
Robert’s physical transiti... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Wednesday, October 7, 2009,
In :
queer
 So I went to Joburg Pride this year - yay me! Is there anything better than thousands of queers all together? Alright, that probably sounds a bit separatist, but hey, it's really nice not to be outnumbered for once. The sun was out and so were we - most of the boys looking fabulous and most of us lesbians looking ... well, wearing jeans and t-shirts really; myself included. I contemplated a pink grim reaper outfit, but just didn't get it together. Anyway, my girlfriend I scored QueerLife...
 I took that photo in East London the other day, sniggering. I wondered which headline would scare South African lesbians most; swine flu or being haunted by girlfriends? On the whole, I think I'd rather have the swine flu, thank you. That said, most of my excess of exes seem to be delightfully benign these days and I am certainly not stalking any old flames myself, so perhaps I am immune, for now at least. Why is it that great friendships are so very simple and comfortable, but girlfriend...
Posted by ulla on Wednesday, May 27, 2009,
In :
stereotypes
 I am starting to conform to stereotype - the one where lesbians stay friends with their exes. It's not even all that long since I wrote a rant against that very thing and I guess I have to blame stuff for this turnaround. So here goes.
I have exes who are really good people, who, despite having survived the horror or relationships with me, are compassionate enough to want to be friends. Somewhere along the way I guess I also pulled my head out of my ass long enough to see them for the good ... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Sunday, May 17, 2009,
In :
queer
 I was sitting on the beach yesterday talking to one of my favourite straight women about sexuality. We both agreed that things would be better if everybody on earth thought they were bisexual and then just did whatever and whoever they wanted from that point. She was astonished when I told her how prejudiced the gay (not queer!) community is towards bisexuals. Now, I don't conside myself bisexual at all. I tried a few times, to have sex with men who I loved so much that really, all that w...
Posted by ulla on Friday, March 6, 2009,
In :
queer
But why do gay people have to go on about it so much?
People say that so rationally, so calmly that it almost seems reasonable to me too. And then I think. I think about pink triangles and black ones in concentration camps and Michael Causer and Matthew Shepherd and the two murdered Soweto lesbians and all the victims we'll never even hear about. That's why – that's it. The rest of us cannot shut up until those people are safe, until kids aren't getting bullied for it in schools, until l... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Friday, March 6, 2009,
In :
stereotypes
(for queerlife.co.za)
I have a problem with this particular stereotype – and I'm not saying everybody does it, but certainly enough to make it noticeable and worthy of a little rant. So, what lies behind this phobia anyway? I'll give you some horrible hearsay.
Bisexual is another way of saying “can't get a date on Friday.” No. It isn't. Perhaps it is in some cases, but then those people have issues that run deeper than a mere definition of their sexuality. And if you're drunk at a... Continue reading ...
(orig published by MambaGirl.com)
I’ve been asking the same question for years. What the hell is foreplay in lesbian terms? See, I assume that for straight people, foreplay is anything before penetration – I could be wrong there, but I don’t want to be educated about it thanks. Some of my best friends are heterosexual and they’re a bit like the Discovery Channel for me, but there are limits. They’re entitled to respect, dignity and privacy. Also, i don’t think they appreciate ... Continue reading ...
(orig. published on MambaGirl.com)
Ah phone sex … not the kind you have to pay for, where the “lesbian” on
the other end is probably just a bored housewife in her flannel
pyjamas, but real phone sex, with a real lesbian. A real phone too.
Bearing that in mind, there are two possibilities i.e. sex with someone
you know and sex with someone you don’t know.
Phone sex works better using a hands free kit or an old fashioned
handset – not because you’re going to have sex with the phone,... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009,
In :
queer
(Orig. published by QueerLife)
LGBTQI. I’ve seen the acronym ordered differently, but bear with me,
I’m something of a dinosaur and never even got used to LGBT or whatever
it used to be. I’m one of those fuckwits who thinks ‘bacon, lettuce,
tomato’ every single time.
Lesbian
Gay
Bisexual
Transgender
Queer
Intersex
What about asexual. pansexual. polysexual, pomosexual? LGBTQIAPPP! Who
else did I miss out? And if we’re mixing sexualities and genders into
the acronym, there are even... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009,
In :
stereotypes
(originally published by QueerLife)
Here’s the side of the phone call you hear between your girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend:
Hello?
Hello!
Exchange of how-are-yous
Laughter
Mild sexual innuendo
Unemotional mention of current girlfriend
Confiding tone
Expressions of concern/interest
Multiple lingering farewells
Wistful facial expression followed by very bright smile
Ring any bells? Things can be as innocent as they like, but boi oh boi
do lesbians ever hold on to their exes. I’m probabl... Continue reading ...
Posted by ulla on Saturday, February 28, 2009,
In :
dykestyle
This and all the posts before it orig published on QueerLife.
By Ulla Kelly
Last night I was doing something I do extremely rarely these days i.e.
sitting in a live, dynamic lesbo chatroom. I really should have logged
the chat, but it’s only just hit me now, at lunchtime the next day, how
funny it actually was.
One of the chatters’ avatars was an ass (not of the donkey variety)
with a smiley face (badly) drawn on it. Someone commented, lots of
people asked whose ass it was, I said, “Cru... Continue reading ...
There was an influx of lesbians into the village of which I am the only (out) gay this weekend. Three (three!) of us sat and talked rubbish for a while and then one of us needed to get some work done and the other two went to the beach. Here endeth the 'scene' update for my section of the Doos Kaap. When lesbian no2 arrived (henceforth to be referred to as "The Femme") I stuck out a dykely hand and said, "Hi, I'm the official lesbian," and she shook my hand and said she was the official visi...
| All over the internet ... like Marmite. Only tastier.
iDyke
| Ulla Kelly |
| Eastern Cape, South Africa |
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Weekly columnist for Q back when it was owned by the Mail & Guardian, regular columnist for Queerlife in 2008, as well as contributing to MambaGirl, Cherrygrrl, Gayspeak and other websites, I decided it was about time I collected it all in one place, so I can see what I've done and hopefully keep doing new stuff.
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