Get Your Dyke On!

Both in and out of the lesbian community, butch lesbians take the most flak.  We're the most easily identified of the species and so right from the get go, we're on the firing line.  We are also constantly accused of "wanting to be men."  Now that's complete nonsense right from the start, because a woman who wants to be a man is called transgendered and within that, may be any sexuality on the spectrum.  If you're going to insist upon adhering to society's expectations and definitions, then yes, perhaps you could say that we want to look like men.  Or you could step outside of what society tells you, which, if you think about it carefully, is all based on money and marketing anyway.  Perhaps we just want to be comfortable and perhaps clothes do not need to be joined at the hip with gender.  Why sneer at women who wear men's clothing and men who wear women's?  Why not just take the gender labels off the clothing?  Strange, really, that so many liberal, educated people are so liberal and educated when it comes to having token black and queer friends, but very conservative if we don't all dress to blend in.

Butches don't like wearing heels, because they mess up your spine and inhibit your movement.  Make up takes ages and to be honest, we can't really tell who's wearing it or not and don't particularly care either way.  Skirts and dresses just feel strange and we are more comfortable in jeans, chinos, a suit, whatever.  Frills and decorations just feel like too much unnecessary stuff.  Most of us these days have probably been whipped enough by society and the instructions of our girlfriends to shave our legs, but not all of us.  Some of us may be wearing sports bras and boxers underneath the clothes, but some of us may be wearing really girlie underwear.

Old school butch used to be all about courtesy and chivalry; treating the requisite femme girlfriend as if she were indeed a woman and the butch was indeed a courtly man, opening doors and so forth.  New butch is firmly feminist and decides whether or not to role play, from a very equalitarian standpoint.  New butch understands that no matter how clearly butch and femme roles are defined outwardly, every woman is capable of a complete mix of qualities that society separates into male and female.

"Why do you dress to look so ugly?" says society and I wish society would just look a little closer and read the Armani label on my shirt and how much care I have put into my appearance.  "Why must your hair be so short?" it asks and I want to tell it that it's just more comfortable that way and less bother and that it makes me feel better, more in control.  Of course, to be purist about it, humanity really needs to let go of it's expectations of appearance, as much as the fixation with skin colour.  Not everyone dresses well ... so what?

I don't want to be measured against "man" or "woman" particularly and considering the increase in intersexed births in South Africa and the blurring of gender that accompanies it, perhaps society should be listening to me more carefully.

Within the community, we need a better collective knowledge and respect of our own history.  Who were, are and probably always will be the first to get bashed when the homophobes stampede?  Butch women and femme men; the very visible arm of the queer army.  We're the people who challenge peoples' perception of gender too, which is no bad thing. 

Being butch is not the better option at all.  Femme is an equally powerful role and so are all the roles in between and around those two poles.  What it is though, is a completely valid option - if it is actually a choice, even.  For me, it's simply where I gravitate towards with no will or effort at all, it is very much a part of who I am.  I am never offended by being called sir or ma'am, although in general I prefer being called by my first name.  The way the labels get muddled makes me realise just how fluid both gender and perception are.  I have learned to spot the difference between a proud, comfortable butch and one who just doesn't feel quite right in her skin.  I have learned to laugh at the way old school butches call each other "brother" and I have also come to grin whenever I see another butch out there, strutting along.

There are those who say that we should dispense with labels altogether - I say no, give yourself a label if you wish to, it will help you identify yourself after all.  What we shouldn't care so much about, perhaps, is how other people identify us.  After all, do we need everyone to look that closely?