(orig. published by QueerLife)
Years ago, when I wrote another column for another website, I used to
bleat often, “Where are the elderdykes?” At that stage I was about 30
and didn’t know any lesbians much over 45. All my whining got two
responses and I had a drink with a really cool fifty something in Cape
Town, and got lectured by a lovely sixty something in KZN, about the
responsibility of us young dykes towards their elders. Well, I couldn’t
agree more. In fact, I think we all have a responsibility towards each
other.
We need the elderdykes, because they have stories to tell and advice to
give. Society as a whole seems to write off the elderly and it makes no
sense. People are living longer and staying healthier for longer, so
why do we suddenly assume someone is irrelevant as soon as their hair
is grey? Selfishly, I imagine a youth where I’d have had an elderdyke
to confide in. No doubt I’d have ignored most of her advice and made
all the same mistakes anyway, but I think it might have made the world
feel a little safer. It’s good to know survivors of the same kind of
crap you’re going through.
Sadly, I moved away from KZN, so never managed to
connect properly with the active and interesting group of elderdykes
there – I almost said ‘retired lesbians’ then thought no, they didn’t
give lesbianism up, now did they? A shout out to Out on Sunday – you
guys rock! Another shout out to the Lesbian Elders Village in New
Zealand, who dream in lego. (They also willing to share their knowledge
and experience with anyone who’s interested in starting a similar
community.)
Since then, I’ve moved a lot and my contact with
elderdykes has improved; but I’m still looking for that mentor. Of
course, I’m assuming someone would want the role and that’s not
necessarily the case. I can be rather trying, apparently.
Some countries, notably the USA, the UK, Australia
and New Zealand, have resources aimed at the senior gay population. As
far as I know, we have none, but I’d be delighted to be proved wrong.
Old age isn’t a purely gay issue, even if you’re gay, but it’s a
universal issue and as a community, how are we addressing it?
If anybody needs me I’ll be on the trail of the lesbian Voortrekkers.
Comfortably shod over the Drakensberg, anyone?
