There are people in my life and on the periphery of it, who will never ever truly accept me, because I am queer.  Sure, some people have altered their thinking enough to embrace me without saying, "If only ..." but at least one close family member, some friends and a whole bunch more acquaintances do their best not to be homophobic, but are nonetheless.  It's probably painful on both sides and I have grown past that youthful fervour that is convinced that some form of universal justice will prevail and tolerance will ensue.  Some people don't like it, because that's how they were brought up, some people for the sake of their religions.  Some people patiently explain that it isn't me they object to, just my actions.  After a two year study, the American Psychiatric Association recently instructed therapists not to tell homosexual clients that they can change ... because apparently, we can't.  Way to state the obvious.  People get grumpy about who we sleep with, how we dress and from time to time, some people even get quite irate that we have taken the rainbow as our symbol, when actually God gave it to Noah and blah blah blah.  It gets worse from there.  People beat people up, rape them and kill them (us!) - just for being queer.  The word 'gay' is almost completely accepted as an insult and I don't know about you, but whenever I've objected to it (and I always do) I've received rolled eyeballs and sighs of exasperation.

We're in the habit, often subconsciously, of adapting the information we give out and the way we act, for the majority of society, which is allegedly heterosexual.  We have to consider whether our being out will affect others negatively; anyone connected to us queers being yet another minority amongst the great and straight.  It subtly coerces us into silence and secrecy, which in turn just reinforces all the intolerance we so desperately want and need to end.  We can't get married in most countries on the planet, most armies don't want us fighting for them - even our deaths are not required, unless they're dealt out by an angry mob.  One blog commenter recently, after describing homosexuals as "vile," went on to say that there is no homophobia anyway.

The fact is that, on the whole, homophobia is so entrenched that the world barely notices it.  We do, because it's about us and so we keep watch for it.  Many people believe we ask for it, just by being different.  Society as a wider whole doesn't seem to understand the way that the smalest examples of it can hurt us, on quite a deep level.  Putting aside the blatantly more vital examples of murders and so on, being told by someone you're closely related to, that they are, "completely fed up with lesbians," or whatever, is really, really sore.  If we can't trust the people who are supposed to love and accept us no matter what, how will we ever trust the rest of humanity?  It puts us forever on the outside and forever on our guard.

Is there hope?  Well, there's always hope.  One has to believe in some sort of collision between the essential good nature of humanity and all of the work that our activists do for us, in terms of human rights and civil rights and basic awareness.  Looking at the black rights movement and the feminist movement, it looks like one hell of a long-term, incremental and often rather despairing struggle.  As a species we have created democracies and tyrannies both ruled by money and by might.  Is that the only answer?  Well it looks that way for now at least.

"Do you have to make yourself look like such a dyke?"  Yes, I do.