Despite the gentle persuasion and arousal involved, it doesn’t work without tacit permission from whomever you’re trying to seduce either. It doesn’t need to be planned. It doesn’t need to be “performed” by only one of the people involved.

The first step in seduction would be t...

Phone sex works better using a hands free kit or an old fashioned handset – not because you’re going to have sex with the phone,...

(orig. published by QueerLife)

Years ago, when I wrote another column for another website, I used to bleat often, “Where are the elderdykes?” At that stage I was about 30 and didn’t know any lesbians much over 45. All my whining got two responses and I had a drink with a really cool fifty something in Cape Town, and got lectured by a lovely sixty something in KZN, about the responsibility of us young dykes towards their elders. Well, I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I think we all have...

Write something from a dyke perspective, they reckon … what’s that? I suppose I have a permanent lesbian’s eye view, being a lesbian and all, but what makes it different to heterovision?

Through the glass dyke-ly I see a world that’s far too diverse to bother with closets, but we do. Everyone has secrets. When Michael Stipe came out he said he was fed up being made to feel guilty, when he wasn’t ashamed of being gay, he just wanted to keep...

Write something from a dyke perspective, they reckon … what’s that? I suppose I have a permanent lesbian’s eye view, being a lesbian and all, but what makes it different to heterovision?

Through the glass dyke-ly I see a world that’s far too diverse to bother with closets, but we do. Everyone has secrets. When Michael Stipe came out he said he was fed up being made to feel guilty, when he wasn’t ashamed of being gay, he just wanted to keep his private ...

It struck me today, with all the force of dandelion fluff in a light breeze, that I haven't tackled a dyke stereotype in a while. So - dykes and cats. Apparently dykes and cats go together like drag queens and heels; the questions therefore are: Do they really? And if so, why? As for the first question, I don't have a clue. Statistics are inherently dodgy and I don't have any. Not only do I lack stats, I lack cats too - if the truth be told, I have two dogs and ...

LGBTQI. I’ve seen the acronym ordered differently, but bear with me, I’m something of a dinosaur and never even got used to LGBT or whatever it used to be. I’m one of those fuckwits who thinks ‘bacon, lettuce, tomato’ every single time.

Lesbian
Gay
Bisexual
Transgender
Queer
Intersex

What about asexual. pansexual. polysexual, pomosexual? LGBTQIAPPP! Who else did I miss out? And if we’re mixing sexualities and genders into the acronym, there are even...

Here’s the side of the phone call you hear between your girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend:
Hello?
Hello!
Exchange of how-are-yous
Laughter
Mild sexual innuendo
Unemotional mention of current girlfriend
Confiding tone
Expressions of concern/interest
Multiple lingering farewells
Wistful facial expression followed by very bright smile

Ring any bells? Things can be as innocent as they like, but boi oh boi do lesbians ever hold on to their exes. I’m probabl...

Last night I was doing something I do extremely rarely these days i.e. sitting in a live, dynamic lesbo chatroom. I really should have logged the chat, but it’s only just hit me now, at lunchtime the next day, how funny it actually was.

One of the chatters’ avatars was an ass (not of the donkey variety) with a smiley face (badly) drawn on it. Someone commented, lots of people asked whose ass it was, I said, “Cru...

The title of this column is a quote from a lesbian called Wasabi on the Q forums, and when I read it some months ago, I almost pissed myself laughing – it’s just so accurate and witty.

What is it about lesbians and poetry? It’s like comfortable shoes and short hair; it’s one of those stereotypes that’s widespread enough to work. Before I get lynched by used-tampon-wielding lesbo poets, let me state here and now that I too write poetry – generally under the heading “really bad l...

If you live in a major city, it's easy – there'll be gay nightclubs and activity clubs and hangouts and stuff to do. You've got to keep your eye on it though, apart from a few landmarks, things change a lot. There's always a lot of conjecture about why and you can join in online.

What if you live in Smallville? People obviously go to their nearest major city if there's one around, or they get on with life and make the occasional weekend foray to somewhere far, where they probably drink to...

I keep attempting to disprove stereotypes about dykes in these columns, but the truth is that there are some I cheerfully conform to.

Short hair – check. It’s still extremely short after being shaved right off and I love it. I feel confident and in control with short hair and I reckon it suits me too. I have also, while being a fully functioning dyke, had very long hair. I just find it annoying and yes, I enjoy the fact that I’m easily identified as gay. Even when I’m be...

It's yet another stereotype, but the words "dyke" and "drama" frequently stroll hand in hand through our little lesbian ghetto. We all roll our eyes at the notion and pretend it only happens to other dykes.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and indulge in some rather sexist stereotyping. I suggest that in heterosexual relationships, it's possible that it's the female of the species that indulges more in things like discussions of emotions, and that this is what ends up being la...

Yup, this week I'm tackling a little stereotype – as well as an often-made fatuous remark. I need to tell you that lesbians are not fake men, do not wish they were really men and don't want to sleep with men. Sorry guys. Help yourself to all that fake-lesbo porn; you know, the airbrushed stuff full of blonde bimboid cheerleader types pouting profusely and faking ecstasy for money. Hold on to your fantasy lesbians, but please don't try to convert any real ones. Lesbians, my dea...

“Write a column on dyke fashion!” said the ed. I immediately thought of the column I wrote years ago where I would beg and plead and whinge at lesbians to get some fashion sense. In the years since, I've decided not to care. Dykes are not a badly dressed group of people, they're just a minority and therefore easy to pick on. I want to state right here and now that I have never ever seen a lesbian wearing dungarees – and while I have seen plenty (myself included) in checked shirts, I've...

Alright, so you've caught your lesbian. Now what are you going to do with her? If I know dykes, the first date might very well be a negotiation of romance followed by sex followed by discussion of childhood traumas, all preparatory to that tired old joke about moving in together on the second date. Try not to sleep with her on the first date - unless you really want to.

By the time you've got to know her online you've probably been doing some fairly heavy duty seduction - as delicious as th...

So you're no longer a twentysomething nightclubber how do you meet single lesbians? If you live in a major city there are probably a few groups you can join and dinners to go to and (even in this day and age) the good ole lesbo potluck from time to time. What i'm thinking of now though, is that wider-choice, higher-risk option; the internet.

There are local and international paysites: qwomen, gwomen, Playdate etc. These cajole you in saying sign-up is free. It is, but you can't actually com...

When cellphones hit the country, the streets were littered with dykes with 5110's clipped to their belts in little black pouches. Dykes (and I am generalising wildly) like gadgets. Dykes usually know how to connect things and quite often fix things too. Some dykes like power tools, some (like me) are absolute whores for any new, sleek hi-tech toy on the market. And I'll say it now, because I know you're waiting for it, that means sex toys too. A quick look at any good woman's sex toy website ...